Don’t Call Miley Cyrus Fat (Because She’ll Never Shut Up About It)
Miley Cyrus is just like any teenage girl. So long as they’ve got millions of dollars, global fame and a terrifying thirst for power, too.
So Miley Cyrus understands teenage problems. Like when your dad hogs the jacuzzi and then buys you the wrong colour pony as an apology. Or when your older boyfriend gets all like “Sorry baby, I’m flying off to Monaco for a fashion shoot,” and you’re all like “Whatever.”
And, like all teenage girls, Miley Cyrus is conscious of her weight. We know this because someone called her fat and she won’t shut up about it.
There are certain things you can and can’t say about Miley Cyrus. You can say, for instance, that Miley Cyrus’ dad has a face that looks like a human vagina. You can say that Miley Cyrus has a speaking voice that makes her sound like the baddie in a terrifying East European educational cartoon about the dangers of playing near electricity pylons from the late 1970s. You can also say that Miley Cyrus speaks so fast, so often and with such an overwhelmingly unearned air of authority that sometimes you wish she’d just lock herself in a cupboard and stay there forever.
But you can’t say that Miley Cyrus is fat.
This is because Miley Cyrus isn’t fat. Everybody knows that she isn’t fat, thanks to her constant borderline-obsessive dedication to taking half-naked pictures of herself so often that you could probably make a fairly illegal four-hour flickbook animation of her if you stapled all the photos all together.
In fact, we’d even go as far as saying that anyone who claims that Miley Cyrus is fat deserves everything they get. And since ‘everything they get’ essentially means ‘weeks and weeks of annoying, over-exaggerated yap-yap-yap-yap from Miley Cyrus’, you can tell we’re being quite hardline about this.
So when some internet critics decided to make fat jokes about Miley Cyrus after she said something about her thighs jiggling recently, it was only a matter of time before Miley did then inevitable and fired back on Twitter with as much self-righteousness as possible. Reuters reports:
“Talk all you want. I have my flaws. I’m a normal girl there’s things about my body I would change, but stop calling me f*t,” she wrote. “I don’t even like the word. Those remarks that you hateful people use are fighting words, the ones that scar people and cause them to do damage to themselves or others.” Cyrus said people spending too much time on gossip websites should read their Bible.
Jesus, you idiots. Look what you’ve done. We’re never going to hear the end of this now. Don’t you know that ‘fat’ is the worst thing you call a teenage girl like Miley Cyrus? It’s even worse than ’self-obsessed’ and ‘deluded’ and ‘more annoying than everything else on Earth combined’.
Besides, as we’ve already said, Miley Cyrus isn’t even fat. Well, not at the moment, anyway. Give it 20 years until she starts using cakes and pies as a substitute for the drugs that she’ll invariably become addicted to at some point in the next decade, and then we’ll talk, OK?
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Obviously she is not fat BUT she is one of THE most irritating people on the planet in my opinion. She cant sing or act and she isn’t even funny. I like this article
I say she’s pretty and has a really good singing voice. haha, haters always diss on the ones that got it goin on.
wow u must be deaf & blind to say she’s pretty and has good singing voice
You stupid idiots!! Who ever spread this little scandal and said that Miley Cyrus is fat…should really get their freaking eyes checked. She has a really nice body for her age….not to thick not to skinny. She is pretty. And I really think everyone shouls just leave her the fuck alone. All you stupid ass haters have nothing else to do with your fucking lives other than trying to find defects on others. Miley you rock and I love your show! Stay Strong!
i think you should all shut up miley is not fat!
you are totaly right
by the way im the other nicolette we are twins
Who the heck names their twins the same name?!
hahaha
LOL i know she should have thought that through
omg miley isnt fat and this is coming from an f***ing anorexic chic ok so all u dicks out there calling her fat and wat not. she is a realy nice inspirational girl who yes had made mistakes but havent we all its just that we dont get ours printed on the front cover of magazines!!!
so leave her alone and go get some friends u lonley assholes!
the writer is an obvious 40 year old virgin that lives with his mom and weighs 200 pounds and has nothing to do but pick on 16 year olds, and he needs to pick on some one his own size like rosie o donnel
HAHAHAHAHA..
This article was hilarious and true. Yeah, she ain’t fat, but she’s right about her thighs jigglin’ And since SHE admitted it, she have a self-righteous hissy fit when people agree with her. Grow up, kid.
*can’t have, I meant. sorry.
she is a little fat b…tch who can´t act or sing…
Miley is not fat people she has a really nice figure so why the heck are you people saying things like that miley has a nice figure youre probably jealous of how she looks. and if your calling her fat your calling me fat because i am like the same weight as her! Which is nice looking!
ok so Miley isn’t fat, but she keeps making mistakes that she is supposedly sorry for. She also needs to read the bible and dress more modestly. if she doesn’t want guys to look at her the way they do, then dress appropriatly and don’t be a closet sl*t. If she could just take some time alone, then she could become a better person. ps. the author never said miley was fat.
i think she could loose a few pounds… i wouldn’t call her fat and don’t mean to single her out… i think we should all take better care of ourselves actually. More importantly though is how she feels about herself. if she’s comfortable how she is than who cares how fat or skinny she is. However her response makes me think she’s a little insecure so maybe burning the extra chub would be beneficial since then no one makes fun of her.
me da miedo