Everyone deserves a second chance, even freakish-looking giants the colour of burning magma who are just a teensy bit racist.
And that's why A&E has decided to start remaking new episodes of Dog The Bounty Hunter, months after the show was pulled off air when Dog The Bounty Hunter started chucking the n-word around in a phone conversation like Christ knows what.
Nobody is exactly sure what convinced A&E to start bringing Dog The Bounty Hunter back, but one possible clue lies in the locked cupboard full of screaming naked A&E executives who couldn't stop scratching at their burning eyes that was discovered last week. The fact that 'Give me my show back, bra' was also written on the cupboard wall in blood may be another indication.
Dog The Bounty Hunter has had a pretty rough ride of it lately. For all his 84 years up until last November, Dog The Bounty Hunter was invincible – a barn door of a man who'd deliberately grown his hair into a freakish Mad Max mullet just to dare people to even think about laughing at him. Dog The Bounty Hunter had never met a man he hadn't blinded with bear mace, and that was enough to give him his own show.
But that all came to an end in November when Dog The Bounty Hunter repeatedly used the word 'nigger' to describe his son's girlfriend in a taped phonecall. And that was it – frightened to be associated with a racist, advertisers bailed out of his show, A&E suspended production and Dog The Bounty Hunter was branded as the funniest-looking racist in the whole wide world.
Dog The Bounty Hunter has been on a weird course of rehabilitation for the incident, which has included crying on TV, slowly learning that having a ridiculous suntan doesn't make you black and bewilderingly vowing to be buried in an unmarked slave grave at George Washington's house, and now it's paid off, because A&E is going to start making new Dog The Bounty Hunter episodes again. The New York Post reports:
After a five-month hiatus, A&E yesterday restarted production on the popular series Dog The Bounty Hunter. The show, which documents the life and work of bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman and his family of reformed misfits, is shot almost entirely in Hawaii, where the family operates "Da Kine" bail bonds. "Since the premise of 'Dog the Bounty Hunter' is about second chances, we have decided to give him one," said a statement from A&E. No return date has been set yet. Filming has not started either, according to reports, but producers have begun to gear up by renting cars and hiring make-up artists and camera crews.
What? The premise of Dog The Bounty Hunter is about second chances? Could've fooled us – we always thought it was about watching a funny-looking redneck and his funny-looking redneck family use preposterously heavy-handed tactics to try and spray other rednecks in the eyes with chemical tear gas.
Anyway, despite all the happy talk, it's difficult to see how Dog The Bounty Hunter will be able to have the same fearsome effect as before – all the criminals need to do now when Dog The Bounty Hunter is chasing them down an alley is turn around and shout "I have a black cousin! Don't you know how much your words wounded their heart?" and Dog will either break down and cry or launch into a lengthy confused apology. Either way, crook gets away.
But that's something to worry about in the future – for now let's just be pleased that A&E has decided to forgive Dog The Bounty Hunter for his wrongdoings and allow his television career to continue out of a sense of pure goodwill.
Well, either that or A&E realised that without Dog The Bounty Hunter it mainly had to rely on a magic show presented by a man who looks like one of My Chemical Romance's Dad for ratings.
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Christy says
You realize he’s only like 5’7″, right? He’s by no means a giant. Freakish, red faced, yes, but actually quite tiny for a man.
mst3kster says
I’m glad the show’s back on, bra. I sure missed watching Beth trot after drugged-out deadbeats in her 8-inch stiletto heels while her massive bouncing boobs set off Richter scales around the globe.
cathi says
yea so glad its coming back i love the show!!!
black metal mikey says
dear dog
the team and your family are good people i miss you you alot and team
tthey keep the world safer they are #1 in my book
keep up good work,