Here's a surprise – Dog The Bounty Hunter might be a teensy bit racist, in that he's been taped furiously demanding that his son break up with his black girlfriend because he doesn't much care for 'niggers'.
Frankly we're stunned. Who'd have thought that a man named after an animal, who makes his living by chasing wanted criminals and then attacking them with bear mace, who dresses like he's going to a monster truck convention on the moon 20 years ago, and who constantly refers to people as 'bra' could even be slightly racist. But it turns out that Dog The Bounty Hunter is racist, and as a result his American broadcaster A&E has decided not to make his show any more. Hopefully Dog The Bounty Hunter isn't too sad about this – because we've heard rumours that he cries tears of red-hot magma, and that would never do.
Dog The Bounty Hunter is a force of nature. He dresses like the bouncer of a homoerotic Van Halen-playing nightclub that you'd be far too puny to get into. His voice is so deep that it knocks commemorative plates off mantelpieces 500 miles away whenever he speaks. His hair is so long and lustrous that the navy uses it when it wants to make especially pretty rope. Oh yeah, and Dog The Bounty Hunter is a racist, too.
Of course, when you're in the same line of work as Dog The Bounty Hunter you're bound to get into a bit of trouble here and there, whether you're taking down a gang of crazed meth-heads with bear mace or almost getting thrown into a Mexican jail, you have to be prepared for the worst. Unless you're discussing how much you dislike your son's girlfriend because she's black, in which case it's probably best to not prepare at all and then act all surprised when a tape of you angrily repeating the word 'nigger' hits the internet.
That's what happened to Dog The Bounty Hunter, by the way. A recording of him bawling racial abuse about his son's girlfriend is currently the talk of the internet. Well, the internet and A&E, which has suspended production on Dog The Bounty Hunter, you see, because while an angry man macing crooks in the eye is entertainment, an angry racist doing the same is just despicable. E! Online reports:
"We take this matter very seriously," A&E, which lent its full support to Chapman while kidnapping charges were pending against him in Mexico, said in a statement Wednesday. "Pending an investigation, we have suspended production on the series. When the inquiry is concluded we will take appropriate action."
But what exactly did Dog The Bounty Hunter say to get himself in so much trouble? Well, during a telephone conversation with his son, Dog tried to explain why having a black girlfriend might have the odd negative repercussions. Only he didn't put it like that. What Dog The Bounty Hunter actually said was:
"I'm not taking a chance on some motherfucker. I don't care if she's a Mexican, a whore, whatever. Not because she's black but because we use the word nigger sometimes here. I'm not going to take any chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for 30 years because some fucking nigger heard us say nigger and turned us into the Enquirer magazine… If Lyssa was dating a nigger we'd all say 'fuck you' and you know that."
Here's the tape of Dog The Bounty Hunter being all racist in full, if that's the kind of thing you want to hear.
But let's credit Dog The Bounty Hunter with some intelligence. Not only in the tape did he helpfully point out that "when we use the word nigger we don't mean you fucking scum nigger without a soul" – a qualifier which, we don't know about you, we're awfully glad for – but he's also apparently got the obligatory Al Sharpton apology out of the way already. So just three more apologies and a spell in some kind of spurious racial rehab facility and it'll all be better.
But in the meantime? Perhaps Dog The Bounty Hunter can put his new-found notoriety to good use by just going after black criminals in the future. He could also let Michael Richards into his crew, because let's not forget he has a similar talent for locating people of colour.