David Copperfield Discovers The Fountain Of Youth. Literally.

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David Copperfield Fountain Of Youthhecklerspray has always loved magic – the mystery of it all is entrancing. At the same time, we've always hated aging – we're nary two years old and already developed crow's feet.  

Our disdain for one and infatuation with the other both run deep. Imagine then, our frustration when nobody's ever pulled a rabbit out of a hat while shoving a baby back up her mother's privy. It's so frustrating – until now that is. That's right, 80s style poofy-haired magic and Ponce De Leon are finally colliding in what is sure to be neat-o. 

Because David Copperfield has discovered the fountain of youth. And we mean that quite literally, as that thar headline should imply.

Magician-ship must be a real good job. Think about it, you get to cut stuff in half, date Claudia Schiffer, foil muggers with with your dazzling trickery and drop 50 million dollars on a group of four islands near the Bahamas like it was nothing. As if that's not enough, the government supposedly matches your 401 K up to 5%.  

On top of that, your whimsical island purchase sometimes ends up having the fountain of youth secreted somewhere in one of its moister patches. That's what David Copperfield's claiming anyway, he's said as much in several quotes, like this one:

"I've discovered a true phenomenon… You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again… Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they'll fly away. It's an amazing thing, very, very exciting."

It makes sense though. For almost five minutes now, the internet's been amok with rumours Dave's got some sort of a insectoid medical degree which would allow him to tell the exact moment a bug is close to death. Not doornail dead, mind you – but almost

Copperfield, obviously, understands if the world remains a bit dubious of his claim, and he's takes measures to scientifically back them up. With a cape and a wand. Not really, there's no wand here, but he really did hire biologists and geologists to examine the effects the fountain may have on people, and to study from where the fountain springs. And then to maybe work the fields of his newly acquired massive banana plantation.

So far no people have been allowed to drink or swim in the fountain. The fact that there are no living-breathing thousand year old natives still moaning about the whole Christopher Columbus land-rape thing, well that apparently holds no sway on arguments pro or con.

Dave, Mr. Copperfield, you're going about this all wrong. Biologists aren't gonna prove anything to anybody, c'mon, you know that! What you need is a quick test visible and obvious to the whole world. You need to find something renowned for being scraggled and extremely decrepit. What you need is something so hideously aged and disfigured that no doubt could possibly remain in the world's mind when said subject emerges from the fountain not nauseating at all.

Might we suggest Madonna's handsH&M might pay.

Read more:

Copperfield says he's found the fountain of youth – Reuters

[story by Shawn Lindseth] 

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Comments

  1. says

    I’ll believe it when he brings one of the Rolling Stones back from the brink of death they’ve been hovering on for the last 20 years. Also, will this fountain be any good at resurrecting intangible things, like Britney’s career?

  2. philip says

    a little late but now when i searchanything with david copperfield and fountain just fountain i dont even need to use of youth the sites do not show upit says unable to find it took a while to find this

  3. Harold Coupling says

    I saw on TV last night a documentary based on the phenomenal fountain and just before the insect came back to life the camera went off and you could only hear voices of excitement, and when it came back the bug was flying away…go figure, just when the camera shuts down to an apparent malfunction the thing lives, he said he sorry but that he had eyewitnesses to this woundrous event…lol

  4. Evonn says

    I find it hard to believe that you found this amazing fountain of water and heals you and dont want to show the world the wonders it could do !! Like go to the extreme and figure it out yourself !! And if it is real** well why are you so stingy there s people dying and all you can think about is keeping it all to yourself ughh No one will take this seriously but more less just funny mythical bull that someone will make a few bucks off .. i personally will never believe til i see it with my OWN EYES!

  5. Michele Le Scot says

    There is no doubt in my mind that the world holds the possibilities for all things. Copperfield is one of the wisest men of our time. He spends I believe much of his time figuring out mysteries unknow. It amounts to secrets and faith. A person with wisdom does set out to change the balance of nature. If its meant to be an individual can be made whole by their faith. Why should he invite a stampede of visitors to his fountain that is on his property. They would only end up contaminating the water.

  6. spike says

    you have to look at the possibilities of the waters effects…like if you want to eternal life should you sacrifise a life?. will you be immortal from old age and diseases but can still die from gun shot to the head. thats what i wanna kno what kind of immortality will you recive when you drink the water…. the other thing i dont care for is david copperfield found the foutain of youth and is bragging about it. to the people who been looking for it, its like a bitchslap to the face…somebody will be desperate enough to attack copperfield for that water. am i insane for thinking that or has everybody else had a passing thought about this?

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