As we all know, there’s only room for one gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American blonde dimwit in the world of pop at a time.
And, as we speak, that gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American blonde dimwit happens to be Britney Spears, with her shiny hair and lovely big desperate-looking eyes. That’s not great news for Christina Aguilera, who also happens to be a gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American blonde dimwit. She’s got a new album coming out soon! Grr!
But Christina Aguilera is nothing if not resourceful, and so to promote her new video Keeps Gettin’ Better she’s decided to become a gormless-looking, vaguely past-it American purple-haired dimwit instead. That’s fiendishly clever of Christina Aguilera – so fiendishly clever that it almost made us forget that the song is dreadful. Almost. Video after the jump.
Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera both started off in the same place career-wise – as Mickey Mouse‘s fluffer on some kid’s TV show we never watched – but following that, they both shot off in different directions. Christina Aguilera rebelled against society by getting her bum and and dreadlocking her hair, and then she had a baby with her successful record executive husband. Meanwhile Britney Spears had a baby with a dancer who looks like he smells and then rebelled against society by getting her minge out and shaving all her hair off.
Our point is that, despite the twists and turns of their careers, Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears have ended up back in the same place. No, exactly the same place. Really. They’ve more or less released the exact same song within weeks of each other.
Britney Spears, of course, released her number one smash hit Womanizer, notable for its unusual resemblance to I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry. And now Christina Aguilera is preparing to release Keeps Gettin’ Better, a single notable for its unusual resemblance to I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry.
But they’re different, honestly, because in the video to Womanizer Britney Spears went from blonde to brunette, whereas in the video to Keeps Gettin’ Better Christina Aguilera goes from blonde to even more blonde to purple to a sort of gimpy Catwoman thing that seems precision engineered to make people stop finding Christina Aguilera attractive. Look…
Convinced? Us neither, really. Perhaps if Christina Aguilera had a full-scale meltdown that was harrowingly carried out in public, everyone would lower their expectations enough to like it. Maybe you should think about that before you bring out your next CD, Christina.
And also, while we appreciate that Keeps Gettin’ Better is a nod towards the state of your career, it’s not exactly accurate as it stands. That’s why we want you to change the title of the single to Got Better, Then Got Worse, Then Dressed As A Woman Out Of The War, Now Nobody Cares. History will thank you for it.
Flank Tarmigan says
I listened to that womanizer track once and i was compelled to stuff bits of liquorice into my ear canal and wander naked up the M6 in a state of bewilderment.
X says
Good god who ever wrote this review has no idea what the hell there talking about, especially when they start to slag off christina when she its 1 million times better than britney and christina has never had a melt down she changes her image stripped was a new era hence the dirty image, the sound the visual art, back to basics was another totally different image and now keeps getting better greatest hits album is a new fresh idea and its new and resembles nothing towards i kissed a girl it sounds nothing like it, and sounds nothing like womanizer, good god you also got christinas hair colour wrong in the music video ITS BLUE NOT PURPLE!!
do your research and come to a conclusion at the end cause you never came to one at the end!
Sam says
I completely agree with the guy who posted ahead of me – “Womanizer” was terrible, as is this “Keeps Gettin’ Better” song that Aguilera just put out. Nor does her new look improve matters any, really. Neither Spears nor Aguilera seem to realize that their glory days are long since past. They should have given it up while they were still vaguely good >>
Preference says
That’s so mean. Christina rocks. She really does. And it really DOES KEEP GETTING BETTER.
Shooty* says
CAn’t see the video, youtube is firewalled at work, but I prefer to keep my mental image of La Aguilera unsullied.
Would.
rachel says
i think that was a rubbish video, and wat the hell does she look like. when the song come out i thought something is going to wow me and be different. that was just stupid. it wasnt sexy either. i didnt like it, she could of done better, shes going down to the bottom very slowly, i think she should do the genie 2.0, i think thatl make a better hit again and alot more sexy. shes done the wrong song, aparat from that, the song is good and fun. the video was little crazy but boring.
Shooty* says
Would.
Kalyn says
Hey Stuart Heritage,
I’ve got a question for you. Have you followed Christina’s career at all? She’s only been around for say… the past decade! Comparing her to Britney Spears is not only unfair, but totally degrading. She’s managed to beautifully carry herself, while completely staying out of the eye of the trash media. She has remained a positive role model by not attracting this constant negative attention like girls such as Paris, Lindsay, and yes, Britney. Her vocals have been unmatchable, and her talent is real. I forced myself to watch Britney’s “womanizer” video this morning. Not only does she sound exactly the same, but her video portrays her in exactly the same manner she always has. There’s absolutely nothing new to her image.
Either way, Christina has continued to reinvent herself, remain successful, AND get married and have a baby! And she still looks gorgeous and upholds a positive self image. She’s happy, and her fans are happy for her. Leave her alone, and do some research before you publish an article.
BritSwedeGuy says
Can anyone make a video without waving a mobile phone around now?
The Magnificent Faggot says
she rhymed “girl” and “world”
I’m going to puke.
Der Golem says
Close your eyes, it’s a nice little pop song. Her voice is rich, it’s a little overproduced but what isn’t?
No real depth, but then that’s not what we’re payin’ her for.
This is why I don’t watch videos. And Stuart is dead right. It’s awful.
Ok, sweetie? Just sing.
Lil Wayne And Jay-Z Fail To Collaborate Onstage says
@ britsswedeguy,,
No i don’t think so..
bleargh says
yep the video was not too good.
But really, no other singers have starpower like these two.