Surely by now karma owes Brooke Mueller something nice. She’s married to Charlie Sheen, for crying out loud.
But that’s not all. It’s horrifying enough to imagine being trapped in a legally-binding relationship with the crap one out of Two And A Half Men. But imagine being trapped in a legally-binding relationship with the crap one out of Two And A Half Men and watching him get arrested for apparently slapping you around. On Christmas Day. And then catching pneumonia almost immediately afterwards.
So after that it’s no wonder that Brooke Mueller needs a rest. That’s why she’s just checked herself into a special rest resort. That advertises itself as a drug and alcohol addiction treatment centre. She really must need a lot of rest.
Maybe we’re painting a bad picture of Brooke Mueller here. Just because she’s had a hideous month by anyone’s standards – first Charlie Sheen was arrested on suspicion of domestic abuse, then she took a restraining order out against him, then she caught pneumonia and reportedly almost died – there are still plus sides to her plight. Just look at Denise Richards – Charlie Sheen went through an awkward and prolonged break-up from her, too, and she’s emerged better than ever.
Well, OK, maybe not better than ever – she got to have sex with the second-ugliest member of Bon Jovi and found herself starring in a cheapo reality show and that’s about it – but, hey, who wouldn’t want to be in a cheapo reality show, right?
But all that’s a long way off for Brooke Mueller. Before any of that can happen, she needs to recuperate from the troubles of the last month. And that’s exactly what she’s doing. So where had Brooke Mueller gone to put her worries behind her? Hawaii? Fiji? Spain, maybe? Nope – like many other excitable holidaymakers before her, Brooke Mueller has decided to go to the Two Dreams Outer Banks drug and alcohol addiction treatment centre in glorious North Carolina.
But just because she’s checked herself in for a stay at a facility that, according to its website, ‘provides the highest quality of care by employing a unique and individualised blend of evidence-based practices in addiction medicine and psychiatry’, it doesn’t mean that Brooke Mueller is actually addicted to anything. She’s just… um… hey, New York Daily News, you should take over:
Mueller’s lawyer Yale Galanter denies that she is being treated for addiction. “She is in North Carolina with her mom for some R and R pursuant to doctors orders,” Galanter said. “She is still recovering from her recent infection and pneumonia.” That said, Meuller’s stepfather revealed that his stepdaughter is in treatment, and that “she is recognizing that she needs help and she can’t do it on her own.”
But still, we should take Brooke Mueller’s lawyer at his word. If he says that Brooke is in an addiction treatment centre even though she isn’t addicted to anything, then we have no choice but to believe him. After all, if you were married to Charlie Sheen, wouldn’t you occasionally want to invent some kind of spurious addiction just because it meant you could have a few weeks away from him? We know we would.
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