So Charlie Sheen spent a lot of Christmas in jail on suspicion of domestically assaulting his wife, but so what?
He’s got work to do. It doesn’t matter if his second marriage in four years looks set to crumble in a flurry of worrying allegations about his personal life and state of mind, because Charlie Sheen is tasked with making the world laugh. Well, not the whole world – just its stupidest percentile. And not laugh as such, either – more stare blankly in dumb incomprehension that one man can be paid so much for doing so little.
But either way, Charlie Sheen is back making new episodes of Two And A Half Men despite all the wife-chokey stuff he’s been accused of.
The funny thing about Two And A Half Men is… no, wait, hang on – there isn’t anything funny about Two And A Half Men, is there? We’ll start again.
The least morbidly depressing thing about Two And A Half Men is the way that the character that Charlie Sheen plays is so close to the real Charlie Sheen. There he is on the sofa, drinking beer and chasing women with his charmingly laid back attitude and hilarious witticisms.
Admittedly there’s a little bit of disparity between Real Charlie and TV Charlie – Real Charlie Sheen has a history of cocaine abuse, so he’d probably do that instead of drink beer. And TV Charlie Sheen’s witticisms don’t include things like the rib-tickling real-life voicemail message left to then-wife Denise Richards by Real Charlie Sheen in 2005, which went:
“I hope you rot in hell. You’re a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You’re a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you.”
Plus, you know, when TV Charlie Sheen catches up with the women he chases, he tends not to do what Real Charlie Sheen has been accused of doing and get held in jail for allegedly choking them in a fit of drunken anger. But aside from that, they’re identical.
Still, at least the cast and crew of Two And A Half Men know the difference between the two Charlies and made sure he knew exactly how they all felt about his alleged festive violence against Brooke Mueller when he returned to prepare for more episodes yesterday. Isn’t that right, People?
“In six and a half years of Two and a Half Men, he has been completely professional and never misses work,” a set source tells PEOPLE of Sheen. “He is always on time and is completely committed.”
Oh, that’s weirdly positive thing to say about someone who was recently arrested on suspicion of attacking his wife. Still, no matter what anyone thinks of Charlie Sheen, you have to agree that Two And A Half Men is funny show and the world is better off for its continued existence, right?
Right? Anyone? No?
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He also, strangely, claims to be responsible for the death of adult star Chloe Jones.
Note the “claims” there. As a lawyer, I wish to make it very clear that no link has been proven.
Aha – I was sure I saw your name on the ROF forums once.
All the pieces matter…
ONCE?
You clearly don’t check it often.
It’s never really grabbed me. Lawyers aren’t as funny as other internet subgroups. Too much of the clone threads thing as well.
So he’s accused of domestic abuse, among other things, and the best defense of his character that his professional colleagues can come up with is that he’s punctual. Weak.
Come on Stuart, tell us what you really think about charlie sheen!
hi there!!! last nights episode of charlie sheen’s two and a half, as it is referred to in our house, was one of the best yet. clearly, he has raised his own bar for hilarity!!!
Which one is you?
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/dir/Marianne/Perry/us-0-United-States/
You’ve got it ALL wrong. Charlie Sheen is a shining example of what every good, red blooded American male should aspire to be! Go Charlie!!!!!!!
American male with a healthy prostate..that is
I’ve never watched the show, can’t bear even adverts on it, but that pic of Sheen made me read this. x-D
Let’s see he threatened to kill his ex-wife multiple times, and he told her he’d hire someone to do it. From the details on TMZ, he did the same thing to Brooke and even held her down with a knife to her throat. Now that his PR people are trying to clean his shit up again by spreading garbage on Brooke to make her look bad, he’s probably telling her he’ll hire someone to kill her
to.
So how I can’t seem to laugh at Sheen’s TV antics any more. He is disgusting and so is CBS.
Just to let you know its ‘allerged’ nobody knows if it really happened y’know, his wife may be lieing, and two and a half men is fucking hilerious, his a great actor!!!!!!
In the Orient (and yes I am Oriental), men and women don’t kvetch about this stuff. If a man touches a woman, her parents, relatives and bystanders off the street mete out justice that even Big Al, the WWE bunkmate in your jail cell, would admire. Here, we go into a moral outrage over how men treat women. How about the way women treat men?! How they can take a man through Dante’s 7 infernos of Castration Hell? Good guys are milked for their paychecks and bad boys are “exciting” until they act like their nature, and then they’re “abusive”. When did “womanhood” become such a virtue, to the point where a woman can poison your coffee, spit on your dead body and still get mother of the year because she bore some kids? Then there’s the turnoff spigot most women have after the first couple years of marriage, that’s like a withholding tax. They go dry sexually and pretty soon they’re putting partitions and pylons between you in bed. At least in the Orient, we got our roles straight. We guys know after a while, a woman gets to be more trouble than she’s worth. The price is too high, but we bear the cost because the institution of marriage is still the fabric that binds society. What do we know, Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men is one of the great comic actors on TV!