Cate Blanchett has just given birth to her third baby, and let’s hope there’s not a fourth because she’s clearly already starting to run out of names.
Why? Because, in what appears to be a deliberate attempt to ensure that the child gets beaten up at school, gets passed over for every job it applies for and dies alone and unmarried in several decades’ time, Cate Blanchett has decided to name her new son Ignatius Martin.
Which admittedly isn’t a type of rock at all – we just said that because ‘Ignatius’ sounds a bit like ‘igneous’. But would you have read a story with the headline Cate Blanchett Names New Baby After The Third Bishop Of Antioch And A Student Of The Apostle John Who, Prior To His Martyrdom In Rome, Wrote A Series Of Letters Which Have Been Preserved As An Example Of The Theology Of The Earliest Christians? No. No you effing wouldn’t have.
Cate Blanchett is a woman who follows her own path in life, whether that path tells her to star in Indiana Jones sequels or films about women who have it off with children. And right now that path is telling Cate Blanchett to ignore conventional celebrity baby-name trends at all costs.
You see, if you give birth to a baby boy, the law seems to be that you much call it Max. Christina Aguilera has a baby Max and Jennifer Lopez has a baby Max and all kinds of other vastly pregnant women have decided to name their unborn baby son Max because it is both powerful and easy to spell, even though they secretly know that their child with have a name that either sounds like a) a Roman general or b) a range of dishwasher detergent.
But not Cate Blanchett. She gave birth to her third baby last night and, rather than call it something easy like Max, has opted for the name Ignatius Martin – a name which, if our understanding is correct, hasn’t been given to a single child since about 1931. People reports:
And baby makes five for Cate Blanchett and her writer-director husband, Andrew Upton. Their third child, son Ignatius Martin, was born Sunday at a Sydney hospital, according to Australian magazine WHO. Just two days earlier Blanchett had attended her younger sister’s university graduation. The couple, who are based in Australia, already have two sons: Dashiell John, 5, and Roman Robert, 3.
But why Ignatius? Because it’s easily shortened to Iggy, which is actually quite cool? Because the name means ‘fiery one’ so the baby can use it as an excuse for all its chronic misbehaviour in the future? Or is it just because Cate Blanchett is a massive fan of either Ignatius of Antioch, Ignatius of Loyola, Patriarch Ignatius of Constantinople or Ignatius Gymnasium, the Catholic school in Amsterdam?
Oh, who cares. Ignatius Martin is a shade less crap than Bluebell Madonna, and that’s all we should be concerning ourselves with.
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