It says a lot about the disarray that the Hogan family is in when Brooke Hogan stands out as the most together member.
True, Brooke Hogan might be so freakishly hell-bent on getting famous that she’ll try anything from hopeless singing careers to toe-curling opportunistic reality TV shows to get it, but for the simple fact that she isn’t Hulk Hogan or Nick Hogan, we’re prepared to give Brooke Hogan the benefit of the doubt.
Because Brooke Hogan’s hardly planning to exploit her own family’s real-life woes by getting naked for Playboy in the blind hope that it’ll give her the attention she thinks she deserves, is it? What? That’s exactly what she is doing? Fine – disregard everything you’ve just read. We’ll start again after the jump.
We used to feel a bit sorry for Brooke Hogan, you know. There she was, the result of an experimental genetic splice gone horribly awry between a bald, middle-aged sausage-coloured T-shirt ripper and a worryingly masculine woman, Brooke was also named after 1980s DJ Bruno Brookes. You couldn’t help but feel for the poor girl.
If you stand back, tilt your head to a certain angle and squint like you’ve never squinted before, you can probably even find a way to excuse Brooke Hogan for Brooke Knows Best, the reality TV spin-off from Hogan Knows Best that appears to exist solely to rape the dying carcass that is her family life.
No, really, you can – look at it this way. Brooke Hogan’s mother and father are getting divorced, her mother has run off with Brooke’s old schoolmate and Brooke’s brother is in prison for driving like an incredible tit and wrecking the rest of his best friend’s natural life. If you were Brooke Hogan you’d be feeling a bit strapped for attention too.
And, as we all know, it’s girls who don’t get any attention that you’re probably able to get naked the fastest. Which is why, with the sort of tragic inevitability that could bring planes from the sky, Brooke Hogan is dangerously close to agreeing to strip naked for Playboy magazine. The New York Daily News reports:
Brooke Hogan has been approached to pose nude for the famous men’s magazine, her publicist told the Daily News on Wednesday. And she didn’t say no…. “No decision has been made at this time,” her rep said.
No decision has been made, if you don’t know, is Playboy code for “Jack up my fee old man!” Well, that or “Three grand extra and I’ll get my fanny out as well.” It’s all in the inflection and we’re not experts.
But Brooke! Don’t go naked for Playboy! You’re still young. One day you’ll regret being in Playboy, and it’s not something that you can ever take back. We know you’re feeling sore about your family, but this isn’t the way to get back at them. If you really want attention then you should channel everything you have into accomplishing something good with with your life, something positive that you can look back on and be proud of. Getting naked for Playboy is not the answer.
Also you kind of look like a bloke, and that’s a bit weird.