In the past, when people have said that Britney Spears is back, it was always a little bit meek and halfhearted.
But now Britney Spears is BACK! Because, fair enough, some people might think Britney Spears is a best-selling pop megastar, and the release of her recent album does reflect a kind of resurrection in that respect.
The rest of us, though, know Britney Spears as the woman with a startling obsession with her own vagina. And on Sunday in Tampa, Britney Spears ended a concert by shrieking “My pussy is hanging out!” It’s wonderful to have you back, Britney.
We know there have been plenty of sweepstakes about the time that Britney Spears’ big comeback tour would start to go wrong. And if any of you had guessed ‘exactly five days’, then you should go and collect your prize immediately.
And it’s all the fault of our old friend Britney Spears’ vagina. It’s been so long since the glory days of Britney Spears’ vagina – the days when she’d make a statue of it or get out of a car waving it at everyone or stand around pawing it during disastrous photoshoots – that we were worried that it had shrivelled up or fallen off or been exiled to Elba or something.
But no. Britney Spears’ vagina is back. It’s back and, what’s more, it’s hanging out. That’s not idle hearsay, either – that’s straight from the lips of Britney Spears herself. And when Britney Spears says that her pussy is hanging out, you’d better run and fetch a net before it goes all Cloverfield on everyone’s ass.
On Sunday Britney Spears performed a concert in Tampa. It was all going well – or at least as well as it can when you’re a woman rapidly approaching her thirties who’s asked to dress up as a schoolgirl and sing about domestic abuse – right up until the end. Because that’s when Britney Spears forgot that her microphone was on and, well, this happened…
For those of you without sound, that was Britney Spears ending her song by yelling “My PUSSY is hanging OUT!” Which obviously came as a giant shock to the entire audience – not because her pussy was hanging out, but because so much of Britney’s concert is mimed that everyone just assumed that her microphone was made out a couple of shoelaces and a yogurt pot.
But still, it doesn’t matter how much of a shock this was – it’s just nice that we’ve all seen a glimmer of the old Britney Spears that everyone loved so much. And this can only be good for concert tickets, too – if she’s complaining about her vagina now then it’s only matter of time before she forgets that her microphone is on and gets knocked up by a backing dancer or attacks a lighting rig with an umbrella or something.
And that’d be worth the price of admission for sure.
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Heather says
Ignorant much?
katie says
that’s funny.
ignorant much?
hahahahahahahaha
HT says
I don’t get it. Ignorant much? About… what? Oh wait, is it because she performed in Tampa, and Tampa sounds almost just a little bit like…
Oh come on, SOMEONE had to go there.
magnetite says
Ignorant Much was a member of the Merriemen, under the leadership of frontman Robin ‘Lutefingers’ Hodd. They were a tribute act. They all died of Dead Man’s Mandeath over twelve centuries ago.
I hope that answers your question, Heather.
HT says
That’s funny.
Deadman’s Mandeath.
Hahahahahahahahaha!*
*punctuation and capitalisation added for effect.
mst3kster says
It’s great to see Britney’s back…
especially after seeing her pussy.
magnetite says
Thanks HT…I think (I’m not very good at subtlety sometimes; in today’s case it may be because I have been polishing candlesticks I bought cheap and slyly huffing the Brasso fumes).
I’m just pleased you didn’t notice how badly I fucked up my historical accuracy. I had a get-out excuse that the Merriemen were themselves a tribute act to Alun and The Angles, the hit 7th century minstrel sensations.
Looks like I won’t be needing that now. Hfffffffffff. Aaaah.