By now, chances are you know every single minuscule thing about Britney Spears' disastrous slot at the MTV VMAs on Sunday – and how it has effectively destroyed mankind for good – but there was always going to be more.
While a bewildered planet is still trying to work out why Britney Spears' MTV VMA performance of Gimme More was so feverishly amateurish that it made the time she tongued Madonna look like the bloody Cirque Du Soleil, backstage rumours have been leaking out all over the place to try and explain all reason for Britney's world-class display of podgy dead-eyed stumbling. And the latest one involves Britney Spears arguing with her hairdresser right before her performance, possibly for having the audacity to own a penis. So that's hair and shoes and men that have now been blamed for Britney Spears' MTV flub – and the vagina's had a mention too. This is like the funniest episode of Sex And The City never made, or something.
To say that Britney Spears isn't having a very good week is an understatement of almost illegal proportions. Anyone can bugger up an awards show performance, but only Britney Spears can bugger up an awards show performance so comprehensively that people now talk about it in the hushed, awe-struck tones usually reserved for presidential assassinations. Britney's listless, hopelessly-mimed rendition of Gimme More was so dreadful that we're only partially convinced that the whole thing wasn't meticulously rehearsed to be as crappy as possible beforehand.
And now it's time for the Britney Spears MTV VMA fallout to continue. So far Britney Spears has tried to divert attention away from her performance by offering her vagina to the gods in front of a photographer, and others have tried to point the finger at Britney's supposedly broken heel, but nothing is working. Now even Simon Cowell has said that Britney Spears was shit – although if you etched a perfectly scale model of Simon Cowell's face into the side of the moon with an unfolded paperclip for everyone to see at night he'd probably just sigh at it dismissively – so now it's time for another Britney Spears MTV VMA excuse to be dragged out of the drawer.
How's this – Britney Spears messed up her VMA performance because she'd just had a fight with her hairdresser for being a man and he left, leaving her to go onstage with a haircut that looked like Worzel Gummidge's armpit. Well, according to People, that's what happened:
Before her now-notorious performance at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas, Britney Spears had a spat with celebrity hairstylist Ken Paves… Weeks before the awards show, "Britney had requested his two female assistants [to do her extensions] since she prefers women around her," and was disappointed when Paves himself arrived, says a Spears source. The stylist soon left, taking his hair with him. "He bailed," says the source. Says Paves's rep: "Ken made the professional decision not to do her hair for the VMAs."
Something tells us that this alleged fight with Ken Paves isn't the last we'll be hearing about how Britney Spears buggered up her big comeback in such an uncomfortable way. But, hey, no matter how unrelentingly bleak things are looking for Britney Spears at the moment, it's important that she looks on the bright side. For example, by being such a mess at the MTV VMAs on Sunday, Britney Spears has ensured that everyone wants to see the video of her at the MTV VMAs over and over again. And each time they watch it, Gimme More burrows its way inside their head a little further, increasing the chances of it being a hit. Just yesterday we genuinely caught three or four people absent-mindedly singing Gimme More to themselves, and we've watched the Britney Spears video so often that we'd probably be better at lip-synching to Gimme More than Britney Spears now.
True, a field full of yawning cattle would be better at lip-synching to Gimme More than Britney Spears, but our point still stands.
Read more:
Britney Spears's Hairdresser Quit Before VMA Performance – People
Leslie says
“…we’d probably be better at lip-synching to Gimme More than Britney Spears now.”
I demand video of this.
NADINE KASPARIAN says
I think that YOU the media are entirely responsible for the so called
Britney disaster. So what if she did not rehearse properly, stumble
all over the place, traipse clumsily in front of her dancers, mumble
incoherently her own lyrics, wearing vulgarly a sequin bikini, disporting
proudly a nascent pot belly just like mine. Is it really the end of her career??
Hell, no!! It made her even more alluring, funnier, and a damn good
entertainer who will never be forgotten not even in 10 years from now,
probably for the wrong reasons.
Keep butchering her with your comments but I bet you she will make
more comebacks__one comeback after another. And each comeback will make
her even more popular with her loyal fans as well as the “MEDIA
VULTURES” ; like YOU. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had planned
it this way all along. Good for her, she is a smart American girl
who knows how to make money and you “guys”; eat your heart out.
Big Chested Blonde says
NADINE KASPARIAN, go outside. That bright thing in the sky is the sun. The rest of it is the real world. Experience it. Britney is a washed up skank. She was high and she is a terrible mother. people like you enable her to do what she wants because she has money.
shaylin says
well said
JBollocks says
As the risk of being controversial, I agree with Nadine. What’s not to agree with?
“So what if she did not rehearse properly, stumble
all over the place, traipse clumsily in front of her dancers, mumble
incoherently her own lyrics, wearing vulgarly a sequin bikini, disporting
proudly a nascent pot belly just like mine”
I think Nadine has got a pretty firm grip on reality there, BCB & shaylin.