Although she's doing a pretty good job of being a pop star and all-around positive role-model, Britney Spears might be looking ahead to a far-off future when things aren't as peachy for her.
That's why Britney Spears has scored herself a quiet little job on the side. But what job could you really give someone who, just a few weeks ago, was deemed to be too mentally ill to dress or feed herself?
Why, a children's dance instructor, of course. Britney Spears is now a genuine dance instructor at the Millennium Dance Complex in Hollywood and is using her considerable dance experience to teach a group of 15 five-year-olds everything she knows. In fact, next week Britney Spears has even asked Madonna to stop by and jab her ancient tongue into each and every one of those adorable infant mouths. It's heartwarming.
If you're anything like us, you're struggling to come to terms with a world where Britney Spears doesn't do something newsworthily demented every single day. In fact, entire weeks have passed without Britney Spears collapsing in a sobbing heap in front of 250 paparazzos and a couple of news helicopters. It's weird, isn't it? Weird and confusing and wrong. Without Britney Spears to laugh at, we might even have to – gulp – examine our own failings as human beings.
But that's just something we'll have to get used to, because Britney Spears' father is doing such an admirable job at keeping his daughter under control that she hardly does anything crazy any more. Reason being that Britney Spears has put all the energy she used to waste on shaving her head and barricading herself in a bathroom semi-naked with her terrified baby son until she's forcefully taken to hospital into doing something constructive – teaching children to dance.
That's nothing new – Britney Spears has already taught dance lessons to kids since her hospital visit – but now it's more official, because Britney Spears has become an actual dance instructor at Hollywood's Millennium Dance Complex. And what's more, being close to Britney Spears in an enclosed space isn't giving the children lifelong emotional wounds that they'll never be able to recover from, as People reports:
Britney Spears headed back into the dance studio Tuesday night to teach a class of 15 children. And her pint-sized pupils are singing her praises. "I like Britney," 5-year-old Elissa Bouganim, who has taken three classes with the pop star, tells PEOPLE. “Today, first we were dancing slow, and then faster and faster … Then we did the fish-move and lots of other fun things."
This is the perfect way for Britney Spears to get better again. The children are both a symbol of Britney's lost innocence and a reminder of her own semi-estranged children, while Britney Spears gets to feel useful and in control again by passing on knowledge of what she's best at. Hey, if Britney keeps this up then those kids are going to become the world's foremost exponents of pre-school underdressed whoreish dancing. There's literally nothing that can go wrong here.
That is, unless Britney attempts to recreate her most famous dance routine with the children and three of them wind up getting eaten by the giant python she brings to class. Then it might be a good idea for her to get back to the pop music thing.
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mst3kster says
It’s nice to see that Britney’s dad is mashing the correct psychotic medications into her food.
But those poor children. I’d trust a rabid, mother grizzly bear guarding her cub over Britney Spears at this time.