Many theorists theorise that in theory the mark of true beauty is the ability to fall down some stairs while musically performing, possibly shattering your collar bone and/or splitting your face open, and then get right back up displaying incredible elegance and grace as you transform your dripping blood into a crimson fountain of wonder.
According to the same theorists, said elegance can be described as begging your audience to please not post your huge fall-down blunder on YouTube. If that’s true, then Beyonce Knowles has the mark of true beauty and whatever. That’s right – she just biffed hard on her face, and we just might have some video for you to see.
Better watch fast – looks like some of the footage is getting wiped from the net.
Nowadays celebrities don't have real grit – you know, the stuff that made Gene Kelly dance gayly around a light post and made Errol Flynn personally support the Cuban revolution. Allegedly.
Beyonce's got grit though. For instance not only does she sometimes eat members of PETA for dinner or something, but she can also cause epileptic seizures by pressing her butt up against your television screen. Or something again. And she can get sued without missing a beat. See? Now that's grit!
Oh, also, sometimes she trips over her own super-long trench coat whilst performing and tumbles face first down like 12 steps or something. And when she gets to the bottom of the stairs her fall is slowed only by her face and her collarbone. And even though she's reportedly bleeding she still gets back up and dances. GRIT!
And after she finally finishes dancing she begs all those gathered in attendance to please not post her fall on YouTube. As if that wasn't enough, she then satellites in her burly lover Jay-Z to the giant screen behind her where he then busts a rhyme about snapping necks with his thumbs or something, but his only victims would be YouTube-posters like you. That's right – we said like you!
The Jay-Z bit was entirely fictional but watch your neck anyway. There's lots of angry rappers out there. What isn't fictional is this fan's depiction of the fall:
"We saw that she was pumping her hair around and really into (it) with her trench coat and high heels and as she proceeded to come down the stairs, she tripped on her coat and it seems like she fell on her collarbone and face, sliding down about 12 stairs."
There are conflicting reports as to whether the singer was hurt or not – one claim is that blood was seen. Other claims have it Beyonce was completely protected in the fall by her robot-like outer shell which she replaced her skin with at the age of six. Yet other reports depict Knowles saving herself by wrapping her 15' lizard tongue around a light-rig real quick. Personally we believe the latter.
Whatever happened, we may never know for sure. Unless you watch it here. Better click play – looks like Sony's smiting the footage from off the web.