Beyonce Knowles is a triple threat. That's right, she can sing, she can dance, and she can be in that newer Pink Panther movie.
But that's not all that Beyonce's good at. When she's not making the exact same music video for every song she releases, getting ransacked by an eBay bidding PETA, or releasing albums on her birthday to the shrugging shoulders of critics everywhere, she's causing epileptic seizures faster than a 1990s block of anime.
Now what other songstress out there could pull that off? Kelly Osbourne? No – those are stomach churning near-death convulsions, not seizures.
It's official – Beyonce rots your brain. That's something that may be worth arguing, anyway, as an epileptic fit has something to do with the brain's chemistry going all screwy. Her video Check It Out has caused quite an epileptic stir in the UK, due to it's constant flashing scenes, and the way Knowles keeps rapidly moving her hoots in a way that seems to spell out "hecklerspray, I'm pregnant – with your puppies" in imaginary mid-air cursive.
We know. At first we were totally freaking out, but then we read the "puppies" part and were like "Dat's da devil's chil'!"
Getting back on topic, Beyonce's Check It Out video is so seizure prone that it needs to be aired with a warning beforehand. The channel Chart Show TV failed to air said warning, opening the seizure door wide open for Beyonce's chemically imbalanced fans to waltz on through. Don't worry though, it'll never happen again. The station's staff was ordered to mandatory retraining by an entity known only as Ofcom, which regulates television and has wild office parties. We heard.
Knowles has issued a one word apology to her muscle spazzing fans with a quick "sorry," and then spelled out the words "I don't want your money, I just want you to spend time with the golden retriever babies you helped make" with her chest in the air.
Yeah right. We are so going on Maury.
Read more:
Beyonce Causes Video Fits – Contactmusic
[story by Shawn Lindseth]
Sasha says
O Beyonce girl, whats up how you been doing ? i think that you should come to houston….