The ending of Big Brother (when they actually, you know, get round to taking it off the telly and take it round the back of the Channel 4 shed to cave it's head in with a spade) seems to have created a vacuum of crappy, ill-judged housemates designed to make the average person want to drive a sinusoidal stake through their eye.
Just the other week saw the momentous cultural juggernaut that is Jedward: Let Loose was introduced onto the nation?s screens, provoking dozens of the manufactures of basic building materials to commit suicide, just in case they provided a single brick or sliver of cement to the house that they are living in. Glassmakers, on the other hand are waiting till the end of the series before they start topping themselves, on the off chance that a pane of glass might shatter and stick in one of the twins’ eyes, or shear one of their heads off between vertebrae C3 and C4.
But that's not all. There's another, worse one, round the corner. It features Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty. Ugh, we know.
News has it that Amy Winehouse has invited Pete Doherty to live in her spare room. Possibly because he's a close personal friend, and possibly because she knows that in all likelihood he?ll be bringing several big bags of drugs with him. She probably was going to invite Paris Hilton to stay first, but was put off by the fact that she's apparently unaware of even the existence of drugs, and it was all just a big mistake and someone probably just put the white powder into her bag while her wonky eye was looking elsewhere. Of course.
Anyway, Now magazine spins itself right round, baby, right round, like a record and tells us that:
?Amy has offered Pete a place to stay while he’s in London,’ says an insider. ‘She thinks a lot of him and they’ve been through a lot together?
Just think of the creative collaborations that?ll come out of such a union of intellects and vision! P-Doh can finally carry on writing the sixth form doggerel he uses to bewitch the stupid and vain, and Amy can, oh, I dunno, spend some more time on scrapping with various people and pissing off the Zulus.
They could finally release a duet ? something like Islands In The Stream, but with more references to getting off your face and writing bad poetry, and sung by a man who sounds like his tongue has been replaced by a slice of bread and a woman who bases her physical appearance on something from the short stories of HP Lovecraft. Islands in the piss, that's probably a good title.
Thankfully though it's all moot, because it's almost definitely going to end up lying a pile of their own filth, old copies of Proctology Today and leftover meat, shuddering as the last of the donkey laxatives work their way out of their systems. And unless you’re Michael Jackson, it's tricky to monetise that situation.
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Jess says
This is solely trash talk nonsense, and is a prime example of why I have such disdain for the tabloids. It is purely subjective – there is no factual evidence in any of these articles, just some ignorant wanker’s abuse-riddled opinion. In actuality, both Peter and Amy are talented musicians and lyricists, and are amongst the most important and influential artists of our generation. It would be nice if a site which claims to be “gossip for adults” could employ writers who have actually been given an education so that we can read celebrity news from an objective, mature and informative viewpoint.