Poor Paris Hilton. One minute she’s talking to a policeman, the next a bag of cocaine has leapt out of her handbag.
And it wasn’t even her handbag. And it wasn’t even her cocaine. And she doesn’t even know what cocaine is, anyway. Which is more or less the line that Paris Hilton has decided to take after being arrested on Friday night and being charged with felony drug possession – she’s claiming that the handbag belonged to a friend and that she thought the offending bag of cocaine was actually some chewing gum.
This is bound to be a case to test the planet’s finest legal minds. Is Paris Hilton telling the truth or not? On the one hand, you could argue that Paris hopes to wriggle out of punishment by cynically playing dumb. But on the other hand she’s Paris Hilton, so maybe she actually is that dumb. What a dilemma.
This is the biggest pickle that Paris Hilton has ever found herself in. Bigger than the time she filmed herself sucking off a bloke on the internet. Bigger than the time she went to jail for DUI. Bigger, even, than the time she… oh, look, this is Paris Hilton we’re talking about. She’s spent the entire agonising duration of her pointless life flopping from failure to sub-literate failure, knowing that she’ll never really have to try and succeed at anything because her great-grandfather’s fortune hasn’t run dry yet. It’s been one long pickle from beginning to end.
But even by those infuriating standards, Paris Hilton is in one heck of a pickle. Charged with felony drug possession after being arrested with what appeared to be cocaine handbag on Friday night, Paris Hilton now faces up to four years in jail. Admittedly, based on the treatment that celebrities usually receive, the sentence would probably be downgraded from four years in jail to three seconds in a rainbow-coloured kitten farm, but that’s beside the point. Paris Hilton doesn’t want to go down like that, which is why she’s crafted an ingenious defence. Boston reports:
Paris Hilton denied owning the purse in which police say less than a gram of cocaine was found after a traffic stop on the Las Vegas Strip, according to an arrest report released yesterday. ?She told me the purse was not hers, that she had borrowed it from a friend,?? Las Vegas police Lieutenant Dennis Flynn wrote in his report of Hilton?s arrest shortly before midnight Friday.
Luckily for Paris Hilton, her reputation won’t be affected by the outcome of this investigation. She’s a professional party girl, and you can quite easily watch a video where she literally puts a man’s penis in her mouth, so a little thing like a drug arrest won’t exactly make things worse. One thing we would ask Paris, though, is that she chooses to represent herself in court. Because, come on, you have to admit that’d be pretty amazing.
Aaron says
the world is Paris Hiltons oyster. think john Gotti was the Teflon Don. Teflon Paris.