Amy Winehouse might have to deal with the pressures of drug addiction, self-mutilation and a husband doing chokey for slapping the bloke from the boozer about, but she'll always have her music.
You see, when Amy Winehouse sings, all her troubles instantly get dissolved by her mellifluous voice and pitch-perfect delivery, and the euphoric reaction from the public is enough to lift Amy high above the mess that is her personal life and help her feel free of her burdens. No, wait, that's not true – at the opening of her UK tour in Birmingham last night, Amy Winehouse got booed by the crowd for being crap. Luckily, though, Amy Winehouse is a woman of grace and style, and she managed to win the disapproving crowd over by… no, wait, that's not true either.
What actually happened was that Amy Winehouse promised the entire audience that her husband would beat them all unconscious just as soon as he gets out of prison. You can't buy class like that.
Everyone needs a hobby to help them unwind, whether it's needlework, watercolour painting or – in Amy Winehouse's case – freaking Snoop Dogg out by lobbing spaghetti around and slicing rugs into tiny pieces. But hobbies are only good so long as you can back them up by having a job, which is why Amy Winehouse has decided to go back to work after her drug overdose and subsequent rehab follies.
Last night Amy Winehouse kicked off her much-anticipated UK tour in Birmingham, and it was her big chance to show that – no matter what's going on in her life – she can put it all behind her and remind the world why people made such a fuss about her in the first place. Even though Amy Winehouse buggered up her Mobo performance, her MTV EMA performance and all manner of other appearances lately, by putting on a decent show Amy could finally prove that there's more to her than a tidal wave of tabloid headlines and dentistry that looks like it was performed by a madman with a rivet-gun.
Yeah, didn't happen. What did happen, though, was that Amy Winehouse was so shit that the crowd reportedly started walking out and booing her when she quit the stage mid-song. But, hey, at least Amy Winehouse had a snappy comeback for the audience:
"To them people booing, wait 'til my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that."
We can't even imagine the logistics of setting one trilby-wearing man onto 13,000 people and coming out on top, but if anyone can arrange it, it's Amy Winehouse – just once she's stopped crying and staring into the middle distance and wailing like a cat being punched in the throat by a worn-down police siren and stuff.
But of course, with her husband Blake Fielder-Civil in jail for allegedly beating a man up until he needed metal plates put in his face and then offering him cash to leave the county, Amy Winehouse is bound to be more stressed than usual. Reports from last night's show say that Amy is very clearly feeling the effects of not having Blake around, dedicating a song to him and inserting the word 'Blake' or 'Blakey' into every single song.
And it's not just Amy Winehouse's performances that will suffer without Blake by her side – it's her whole life that'll suffer. For example, with no Blake around, who'll distract Amy Winehouse by instigating a razorblade fight whenever she's about to do a bunch of drugs with a prostitute? These are the important questions and no mistake.
Stabby McGee? says
Oh no, what a personal disaster!
Reggie says
Too bad, i kinda like her music. The people around her need to stimulate her, instead of dragging her into this dark life she is leading now. I hope for the sake of her father she will get some sense.