Like most female divas, Amy Winehouse likes her dressing room just so – but instead of demanding it to be painted white with a bucket of room temperature Evian on hand, Amy prefers everything to be covered with spaghetti bolognese.
That seemed to be the case at the MTV Europe Video Awards last week in any case. It's been revealed that Amy Winehouse caused thousands of pounds' worth of damage to her dressing room by flinging spaghetti around, throwing tables and chairs against the walls and shredding her rug into tiny pieces. Amy Winehouse shocked onlookers at the EMAs by engaging in her terrifying five-minute kicking and screaming outburst, but on reflection that's probably just because it's the closest thing that Winehouse has actually got to a decent tune for the last few months.
You may have noticed that we didn't get round to reporting on the MTV EMAs in Munich last week. This is because the highlight was Amy Winehouse winning some awards, acting a bit ungrateful and then singing a version of Back To Black that sounded like a flock of seagulls with winter vomiting disease trapped in an echo chamber – and that happens so often these days that it probably doesn't even count as news any more.
But what the hey, it's a slow news day and it turns out that Amy Winehouse had an expensive spaghetti-spaz in her dressing room before the EMAs got going, so let's tell you about that. Not that it'll be especially surprising, mind you – compared to Amy Winehouse's drug overdoses, rehab stints, rehab breakouts and the glorious razorblade fight that Amy Winehouse had with her husband because he caught her doing drugs with a prostitute, throwing a plate of spaghetti against a wall is so alarmingly twee it may as well form the basis for an early Belle And Sebasian EP.
Here's the kicker, though – Amy Winehouse's behaviour at the MTV EMAs was so unhinged that it even unsettled Snoop Dogg, and for that Amy Winehouse deserves some kind of medal. Here's what one of Snoop's entourage told the Sunday Mirror:
"An hour and a half before the show, Snoop said he wanted to see Amy. When we got there, she was in a right state. Everyone, including her management, just stood there as she lobbed spaghetti up the walls. It went on for about five minutes – with her kicking the walls and throwing whatever she could get her hands on – even the tables and the chairs. Then she started cutting up the rug. Snoop was just standing there open-mouthed. He was pretty freaked out by it and didn't want to hang out with her after that."
Now, there are a good deal of artists out there who'd be shamed into seeking treatment after such a berserk display of madness, but we doubt that Amy Winehouse is likely to be one of them. This Snoop-scaring behaviour seems to be the path that Amy Winehouse has chosen for herself, and it's deeply apparent that she's the only one who'll be able to make herself stop, even though the only possible outcome is death. Well, death or scaring P Diddy. Or something.
It's down to Amy Winehouse to prove us all wrong now, and her best shot of doing that is by making a new album that does even better than Back To Black. And most of it's already written, we hear – although there's no still release date for the tentatively-titled Gurgle Gurgle (I Told You I Wanted Thousands Of Tiny Rugs, Not One Big One).
Stabby McGee says
“Gurgle Gurgle (I Told You I Wanted Thousands Of Tiny Rugs, Not One Big One)”
Genius.