After stealing the show – and possibly his keyboard player’s tonsils – at the AMAs, Adam Lambert has polarised the world.
So which side are you on? Is Adam Lambert a disgusting personification of humanity’s slow disintegration? Or is he a shining beacon in the fight for sexual equality? Or is he a slightly annoying chap with a silly haircut and a voice like a distressed goat who you suspect would lop off his own genitals with a meat cleaver for even the merest hint of attention? We just don’t know. It’s definitely the last one, but we just don’t know.
So maybe Adam Lambert’s mother know. Yes, let’s ask her. That sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? Anyone?
The mother/child dynamic has a certain number of rules that should never be broken. For instance, rule number one is that the child should always be embarrassed by the mother. It doesn’t matter how – maybe the mother still insists on wiping the child’s face with a spitty tissue, or maybe the mother likes nothing more than showing baby photos of the child’s ridiculous infant testicles to everyone she meets – but that’s rule number one anyway.
Start playing with that rule – by, say, making the child embarrass the mother by performing a slightly rubbish song on television and then ending it by almost asphyxiating his keyboardist to death with his gay face and tongue – and you’re asking for trouble. Mess with rule number one and you put all the other mother/child rules – the rule about the child feeling bad for never calling the mother, the rule about the mother secretly resenting the child for growing up – in jeopardy too. You don’t mess with the rules. You just don’t.
Adam Lambert, though, cares not for rules. If he wants to gay-kiss the pants off a boy on TV, that’s what he’s going to do. It doesn’t matter if Good Morning America bans him or The Early Show blurs out his face in an effort to quell an uprising of gay hysteria. It doesn’t even matter if it makes his mother feel a little bit awkward – that’s just Adam Lambert. It did make his mother feel a little bit awkward, as it turns out. MTV reports:
“He always wanted to entertain, even just in our family, so he took it a few steps further. It’s my kid. He’s doing great. He is entertaining everyone, including me,” she said. “You know, I was a little taken aback, but I just went with the flow, and it’s all good.”
In the end, though, it doesn’t matter what Adam Lambert’s mother thought about the performance, because kissing a man on TV has helped him to sell hundreds of thousands of copies of his new album. Although maybe we should keep that quiet, because Ringo Starr‘s got a new album coming out in January and, you know, bleurgh.
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irisita69 says
Now what? let’s attack the mother?
you idiot!
claptrap says
Is this the sort of garbage that passes as satire nowadays. I would recommend to the author that he quit smoking narcotics and find a new job. Its the kind of stuff that is humorous to only the person who came up with it, and to everyone else it is eye rolling fodder. Kudos to Lambert for pointing out what complete hypocrites networks like ABC and their ilk are and making some damn money off his CDs. They show kids how to spread AIDS with those two cum dumpster sluts Britney and Madonna, but god forbid they not discriminate against gays. Good job jack offs(aka ABC).
beth says
His mother understands. On stage Adam is not indicative of his total persona. She get it she raised him. He likes to be noticed and what he did was completely in theme with the entire night. When the country sweetheart came out in seductive wear w/ background singers looking like street walkers did anyone flinch? As he watched the show, the level of trash was elevated by each act. He just took it up a notch as the network promised all night. “STay tuned for shocking-the performance you’ll be talking about”, etc. Mom gets it, he’s in show business and now that the pop machine has him, his style is mainstream.
Folks were shocked because most are not listening to their kids music or watching mtv. Adam was pretty much mainstream teen USA based on what I’ve been hearing and editing from our family viewing. Have you heard the latest top 10 lyrics? “…meet me in the hotel room and bring your girlfriends”?
Adam will be just fine. He has talent and just has to figure out where he’ll be most appreciated. I did enjoy the other performances where I got to imagine a bit rather that spelled out though.
JoeMomma says
I don’t even bother to read the articles anymore, I just read the posts.
You people are all friggin’ nuts. Go read a book or something. When I say book, I don’t mean Harry Potter or Twilight or a biography of a celebrity. A proper book in the grown up section of the book store.
ophu says
*eating popcorn* :D
Sheba says
You are terrible writer. I didn’t bother reading a lot of it. Too much garbage. Adam is hot. Admit it. His fans love him and you can’t stand it. Don’t you wish you had a sliver of his talent?
Frances says
You took Mombert’s quote out of context. The question was asked to her . . . what did you think of the backlash against Adam’s performance (or something like that). She then replied that she was taken aback by it. Not his performance, but the response about this performance. Get your facts right!!!!
Sunny says
Lovely comment section. Reading Sheba’s, mental image of the writer decked out in fishnets and black corset… came to mind. Odd really.
Ophu, be a darling, pass the popcorn.
Circe says
Stuart, give up your day job.