It turns out that GMA stands for ‘Good Morning America’. Who knew – we always assumed it meant ‘Gay Men! Arousing!’
We were shocked too. But probably not as shocked as Adam Lambert. You see, Adam Lambert was due to perform on Good Morning America today, but the appearance was cancelled because producers were worried that Adam would repeat the tongue-waggling, crotch-grabbing, man-kissing, blowjob-simulating shtick that caused so many God-fearing Americans to splutter into their drinks on Sunday.
GMA needn’t have worried, though – Adam Lambert knows how to modify his performances for different audiences. After all, nobody wants to see two men kissing at breakfast, which is why Adam was only going to stick to light cupping and possibly an elaborately mimed rimjob.
GMA – which apparently stands for ‘Good Morning America’ and not ‘Great Man-On-Man Action’ – has found itself with some explaining to do. And it’s all Adam Lambert’s fault. You’ll remember that the most shocking thing to happen at the American Music Awards on Sunday wasn’t the fact that Michael Jackson won several awards that he wasn’t strictly eligible for, or the fact that some spoilsports removed footage of Jennifer Lopez falling on her bottom – it was Adam Lambert kissing a man on the mouth.
Adam Lambert’s gay kiss has so far provoked 1,500 separate complaints – much more than when Madonna kissed Britney Spears at the MTV awards in 2003, and that was arguably more disgusting because Madonna’s got a neck like a chicken gizzard – which in turn has made some TV shows a little jumpy when it comes to giving him airtime. One of these shows is GMA, which apparently stands for ‘Good Morning America’ and not ‘Gimp Masks Ahoy’.
GMA – which apparently stands for ‘Good Morning America’ and not ‘Give Me Analsex’ – yesterday decided to pull an Adam Lambert performance that was scheduled for this morning, on the basis that he might continue to offend viewers with his lewd homosexuality. And by doing so, the show has managed to blunder its way to the forefront of an escalating debate about sexual equality, as MSNBC reports:
?Obviously, I respect their decision ? they gotta do what they gotta do,? Lambert said Tuesday. ?It's too bad ? I think there were a lot of fans who were excited to come see me.”… The GMA Web site was flooded with comments from viewers about the Lambert cancellation. Some applauded ABC for taking a stand against vulgarity, while others suggested the network was being homophobic.
It seems like a silly move by GMA – which apparently stands for ‘Good Morning America’ and not ‘God My Arse’ – because not only has it given Adam Lambert even more publicity than he would have otherwise received, but because now it looks like the bad guy. Now GMA looks like Carrie Prejean. That means that it’s only a matter of time before GMA paints itself orange and stars in a series of degrading solo sex tapes. Is that something you want? Is it?
And, regardless of what you think of Adam Lambert, you can’t deny that he’s done very well out of all this. His profile has been raised exponentially since the kiss, and he still get to perform on TV this morning, anyway. The Early Show has offered him a spot, and he’s accepted.
The Early Show, by the way, runs on CBS, which everybody knows stands for ‘Creepy Bum Sex’.
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Blondiegrrl says
Love all your different interpretations of what GMA stands for. Bwah! And yes indeed, ABC is now looking like the bad guy. Oops. Not a smart move for them.
harry says
Adam Lambert made just the smallest artistic miscalculation, or maybe he belly-flopped into an intemperate, incontinent catastrophe before the eyes of a candid world, but either way, like a one-man ancient Roman games, he discovered once again that no publicity is bad publicity