So if Michael Jackson and Taylor Swift were the big winners at the American Music Awards, who were the losers?
Well, Jennifer Lopez fell on her bottom at one point. So that means the big loser at the AMAs was… no, not Jennifer Lopez. We were going to say the structural integrity of the Los Angeles Nokia Theatre, actually – sure, earthquakes are one thing, but what chance did it stand against the twin meteor strike of Jennifer Lopez’s buttocks? – although we suppose we can count Jennifer Lopez as a loser, too.
Anyway, Jennifer Lopez now says that falling over was part of her choreography, and not just gravity doing what it’s supposed to do when presented with an object as gargantuan as Jennifer Lopez’s arse.
Sunday’s AMAs threw up a few surprises – some we’ve already discussed and some we’re getting round to – but the most pleasurable part of the evening was the sight of Jennifer Lopez collapsing under the weight of her hefty behind during a performance of her new single. You didn’t see it, of course – either because it was edited out of the television feed or because you deliberately avoided the American Music Awards since you knew you’d only end up clawing at your face and wishing death on all of humanity if you caught even a glimpse of it – but it happened. Jennifer Lopez fell over.
It all occurred during the debut performance of Jennifer Lopez’s new single Louboutins, a song all about how much Jenny from the block (whose love don’t cost a thing, remember) enjoys spending upwards of £700 on shoes that clearly aren’t very good at keeping her upright. She sure is a a woman of the people. Anyway, this is more or less how the accident played out – Jennifer was walking up a staircase made entirely out of topless male dancers, then she leapt off the top, slipped and crashed to the floor before popping back up and pretending that it never happened.
The American Music Awards have removed all trace of the Jennifer Lopez bum-attack from YouTube, so instead, here’s the closest re-enactment we could find…
But even though the accident has been neatly wiped from history, it didn’t stop Ryan Seacrest from asking Jennifer Lopez about it yesterday – which was good, in a way, because it gave Lopez the chance to claim it was all perfectly intentional. MTV reports:
“Did I? Did I? Did I trip a little bit? I don’t even remember,” Lopez said with a chuckle. “Yeah, I meant to do that. You should know me better than that. That was part of the choreography… The measure of things is not what happens when you fall, it’s how you recover when you fall.”
But whatever her excuse, we should be thankful that Jennifer Lopez avoided any serious injury to herself by landing on her bottom. True, she did manage to swallow about three small villages up her enormous bumcrack in the process, but the important thing is that she’s OK.
UPDATE: There IS footage of Jennifer Lopez stacking it on the internet, after all. Thanks to the ever-wonderful @mofgimmers for the link.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
She did not fall on purpose!! She did not plan the fall!!! She clearly slipped, and it wasn’t because of the dancer’s sweaty back. And what confirms she didn’t do this on purpose is what she says after the “I planned it” excuse:
“The measure of things is not what happens when you fall, it’s how you recover when you fall.”
You don’t say this kind of things unless it was unplanned. Also, if this was planned, why wasn’t the fall shown on the west coast broadcast?
What an ego maniac!!
Um… if it was intentional, why send out the media death squads to have every instance of the video removed?
It’s good that her air bags deployed prior to the crash, though. The last thing we need is another senseless tragedy at the AMA. Though, one could argue that American music has become a senseless tragedy, now that rhythm, lyrics and even a tune one could whistle have been all but obliterated from the requirements of what constitutes, “music.”
Awards for cacophony… tragic.
Get a life dude. This column is not funny and shows that you have far too much free time. Perhaps you should work on your self esteem. I don’t even like Jennifer Lopez. Nevertheless, as a fellow human being you should treat her better.
This could have been a lot worse than it actually was. Indonesia had to put out a tsunami warning immediately after the impact but thankfully the worst of it had subsided before reaching landfall. Still, near miss.
I agree with Not Necessary. Do I like Lopez? No. Do I think this article is a travesty? Yes. Yes, I do.
Mr. Heritage – Grow up.
It takes courage and talent to get up there in the first place. She has too much class to tell you the guys backs were vasalined up for the show. All of us who have or do dance, skate, tumble, or chearlead know that is a risk we are willing to take. We don’t take life so seriously that we aren’t having fun trying new things. I can understand how couch potatoes are clueless.
Hilarious! Very entertaining article. Thanks for the laughs. Arse and bumcrack! My new favorite words.
You’re absolutely correct though, she has an immensely huuuge arse! Saying someone has a huge arse doesn’t mean they’re insecure, it just means someone has a huge arse.
I am not a fan of J-Lo. In fact do not like her star persona at all. However sir, you are the arse here. What a mean-spirited moron you are.
I was quite impressed with her fast bounce up; she rebounded up like her lovely full deriere was made of rubber. Good for her.
Okay, this is just stupid. Did you actually listen to the Ryan Secrest interview? She was joshing around with him. In no way, shape or form was she seriously saying that it was done on purpose.
Way to take her words out of context. Nice reporting! And, J-Lo has a fat ass? Honestly? It must be torture for you to walk down the street and see the horror of all of the ordinary women of the world and their gigantic bulbous asses.
Oh, for f-
I was renting storage space in one of those cheeks. I just hope the piano isn’t damaged.
we kinda missing her nice body recently ((
..check photo collection of Jennifer Lopez’s perfectly shaped ass here: http://www.celebsfeetpics.com/jennifer-lopez-ass
I’m supprised one of her buttcheeks didn’t pop after the impact.