Adam Lambert has had an awful couple of weeks – ABC had banned him, and he was starved of publicity as a result.
Except that’s not quite how it worked. In fact, being banned from Good Morning America and Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year’s Rockin’ Eve ended up making Adam Lambert even more famous than ever. And since its plan to destroy Adam Lambert backfired so spectacularly, ABC is now seeking revenge. The worst revenge that it could ever take on anybody.
That’s right – Adam Lambert has been invited to appear on The View. Pray for his soul, readers, for he hasn’t done anything to deserve this.
Forget Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat on the bus. Forget the Berlin wall coming down. This, truly, is the greatest day for equality in all of history. That’s right – Adam Lambert is going to appear on a mediocre daytime TV show hosted by a gang of awful screeching women. Take that, bigots!
Oh, the road that Adam Lambert has walked to get to this point. After kissing a man in the face at the American Music Awards a few weeks ago, Adam Lambert was cast out into the television wilderness. Good Morning America banned him. Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year’s Rockin’ Eve banned him. The Early Show didn’t ban him, but it did blur out the offending kiss in case the sight of it suddenly turned everyone quite gay.
This wasn’t just a vendetta against Adam Lambert. This was a vendetta against all men who’ve come second in talent shows and then mimed oral sex on a man during a song about S&M on a live television awards show. And, deep down, isn’t that all of us?
However, it turns out that ABC looks like the bad guy here. By banning Adam Lambert from all of its shows, ABC was exposing itself to accusations of homophobia, and that’d never do – after all, ABC broadcasts Desperate Housewives, a TV show starring Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria and two other gay men. Banning Adam Lambert was doing the network’s public image no good at all. So a compromise has been reached – Adam Lambert will appear on The View on Thursday. The Washington Post reports:
Lambert is scheduled to sing on the network’s daytime yakker “The View” on Thursday. That’s the day after Lambert talks with Babs Walters on ABC’S “10 Most Fascinating People of 2009.” Only, unlike three other planned Lambert performances that ABC has canceled in recent days, this week’s performance was taped in advance. This gives ABC time to surgically remove any naughty bits.
Taping Adam Lambert’s appearance in advance is an extremely smart move – not only will it filter out any of Adam’s risque moments, but it’ll also give ABC the chance to edit out the bit where Adam Lambert gets too close to Elisabeth Hasselbeck and her head starts involuntarily spinning around and spitting acid everywhere. Everyone’s a winner.
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Debi says
The View regularly tapes all of its interviews. Adam is no different than anyone else in this respect, although every reporter makes it sound like OMG ! Of course, we all know that ABC is back pedaling on its Lambert ban, and has written a whole new clause into their live performances in his honor. So of course, emphasis on “taped”.
And Adam will do fine. He is well spoken, intelligent, charming, and fun. He will have all of The View ladies in his glittery control.
MaryL says
Stuart, I love your article. The Elisabeth Hasselbeck comment is hilarious. You’re very funny!
donna says
I don’t think the issue is about AL being gay…but being offensive.AL on AMA was offensive from start to finish.Adam might call his performace a work of art, I call it sleezy. This performace might be fine in a club but not on national TV. I’m not homophobic..like Elton John, Patric Harris,both are class acts.Giving the viewers the finger was really stupid. Kissing a guy didn’t bother me but that is what AL keeps focusing on. His vocals were way off, he fell, gave the apperance that he was playing with a girls crouch, leading people around on a leash. Why not talk about this Adam?
Jane says
I think this is about the importants of freedom of artistic expression and infringing on that freedom is more frightening than anything Adam did. Geez why is America so prudish about male sexuality? It wasn’t even real!! Why can we allow murder, rape and various servings of violence for diner, but a little gay sex and the world falls apart. I hate prime time TV, it is all to violent and that is why I own and use a remote control! Adam will be fine and has probably learned something about when he wants to push the envelope and when he doesn’t, but in the long run it has helped secure his place in history and opened a dialoge in America that is long past due about homophobic reaction and accepting our humanity toward all people. Baby steps, important steps…
JLM says
One other point – Adam is on Larry King Live the same day and wouldn’t have been able to do the performance on the view without pre-taping. Regardless, it is about time ABC gets it head out of Adam’s crotch.
Carrie says
Right, Donna. You can say you are gay, but whatever you do don’t act gay. I accept gay people as long as I don’t have to see them doing anything gay.
MrNiceGuy says
Find him a closet that fits his ego.
Swordfish says
I go along with Carrie. ABC can say oh we are so progressive, we support gay rights, we have the most shows that have gays on it. Pleassssssseeeeeeeeeeeee. Once they actually see a gay man doing live tv and get a taste of what really being gay means they had a cow. Afterall all the gays on tv are the safe, stereotypes. Adam Lambert is Adam Lambert with leather and boots and spirit. He has a lot to say, he is one to express himself and if you don’t like his stuff then don’t watch. For the rest of you this kid is causing a music and cultural change. He is revolutionizing the music industry as we know it today. So get on, stay on and ride the Adam Nation Train. Keep your eyes open too as you see everything from a new point of view. The women on the View will try to pull this kid down. Barbara Walters, the lady who had an affair with someone else’s husband, will try to scold him like a little boy. Yes all these women will try to point their finger at him and say tsk tsk. And that EH on the View she changes her mind like the wind blows. One minute he is too sexually aggressive and then the next her only complaint against him is that he put his hand up a dancer’s crotch. See she doesn’t even know what she is talking about. Because Adam Lambert pulled on the crotch straps he did not put his hand up a dancers crotch. He did not finger a dancer. He pulled the ole trolley belt. These women having a cow about the S&M costumes makes you wonder if they ever goes out to any club(s). Don’t like getting kissed the way Adam did it…makes me wonder if they have any passion in their bedrooms. Upset about oral sex? Again oral sex is part of your sexual being. Or wait, don’t tell me they don’t do that either? Get real folks. Adam showed a little part of himself and it was daring, it was brave, it was hot and it was all Adam.
Michelle says
That was honestly one of the most wickedly hilarious articles I have ever read!!!! So funny, so fantastically snarky – and so TRUE!! Great job! Go Adam! Show those old harpies a thing or two about class.
deb says
This is one of the most hillarious articles I have read regarding all this drama! Thanks for a good chuckle today. And…oh, yes…GO ADAM!
Mariana says
OMG! Does anybody see the light at the “hating” tunnel? Does anybody think Adam deserve all this?
How low can these people go ?
Mariana says
I am sure Adam had a bad day. I was too much pressure on him and I am sure he ran out of breath.
Yes, he was offensive THAT day. Otherwise, for almost one year, he looked to me as an example of composure, calm and kindness.
Than again,….. I think enough is enough. He is smart, I am sure he learned his lesson.
Bruce says
How dare Adam Lambert act gay and shove it in our faces!! Only heterosexuals are allowed to shove sex in our faces on a daily, hourly and by the minute basis. Oh wait, unless it’s two woman who are acting in a homosexual manner because afterall that’s kind of hot.
Didn’t Adam Lambert know he sent a bunch of uptight, school marms screaming for their heart medication? Doesn’t he know that parents allow their children to stay up to all hours of the night? Think of all those children who saw his performance and have now turned gay!! Doesn’t Lambert know the American way is to hand your child a gun but don’t let them see two men kissing?!! How dare he? He should have punched the band member in the face instead of kissing him. That’s much more American. For shame Adam, sex should be hidden in the closet. Violence is much more acceptable. Didn’t he get the memo?
Dawn says
Well said Bruce;
Violence IS more acceptable in America than showing anything having to do with gay man sexuality…I find this fact seriously disgusting.
What I find interesting though is that all these prudes who are complaining in all the articles about Adam’s performance, is that they actually watched the whole thing. If you are disgusted at the beginning of the performance seeing the “male on other male’s crotch”, why would you even continue watching to see the other parts of the performance, including the “male on male” kiss. –it’s because they secretly loved it.
AussieAdamLover says
Bruce…..Love you. Your post has to be one of the best posts I’ve read regarding this issue. Your ‘perspective’ is excellent…BRAVO !
oli says
I don’t care if he’s gay, WHATEVER!It has nothing to do with the fact that his performance was just innapropriate. It wasn’t the kiss that was disturbing, it was all the graphic sexuality in his performance,directed towards both men AND women. I don’t care if others do it. It doesn’t make it right. If someone jumps off a cliff, it doesn’t mean you should do it to. That kind of behavior doesn’t belong on primetime T.V. He’s an awesome singer (I have his CD, YES I JUST SAID THAT, and I listen to it all the time). I consider myself to be a fan, but I am not brainwashed into believing that the kind of behavior he portrayed at the AMAs is acceptable. If he wants to do it at his own concert, fine! No problem! When I go to his concert (and I do intend to go), I’ll be expecting it, and I won’t find it offensive. However, on primetime T.V…..come on!!!!????!!!! Not everyone wants to see this type of stuff. I’ve seen Greenday do similar things and didn’t get offended at all, but they do it at THEIR venue. Not on T.V.; if they had, I would have found it offensive too. He’s an outstanding singer, but I hate to say that right now, that’s not what most people are talking about, and that’s really unfortunate. I hope that eventually to understands this.
zumazuma13 says
Hilarious! I needed a good laugh, thank you. I’ll take naughty Adam Lambert any day over some of the other lame people who consider themselves entertaining.
Angel says
As I was one of those who cringed with ADAM’s AMA fiasco, I have forgiven him because I love him. As ADAM said, he has learned his lessons from his wrong judgment call. I believe him that he was caught up in the moment. ADAM has an Aries Moon which is driven by adrenalin rush unlike other signs. That’s what makes him also fearless, daring, bold, impulsive, competitive and a pioneer. As he was watching all the other performers, his adrenalin is working up, got competitive and that kiss was an impulse, of the moment thing. Nothing wrong actually with everything he did being true to who he is except it’s the wrong venue. If anything, I was cringing at his singing. And as ADAM, that is unforgivable. But he already said he has learned his lessons and will now focus on his singing. Love and forgiveness go together. Love you, ADAM baby.
Joke Police says
Hecklerspray commenters in Generally Fairly Reasonable Shocker.
My faith in humanity is (sort of) restored.
gilbert wham says
Depressing, isn’t it?
terie says
@Donna: Why don’t you take Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s place on the VIEW and publicly FLOG ADAM for being human? You sound WORSE than Liz and twice as unforgiving. The only “forgiving” I read in your post is that you are all “FOR GIVING” him a whipping for being naughty. I pity your children (if you have any)!!!!!!