Everyone knows what they want from 50 Cent – and that’s gritty, hardcore tales of violent life on the streets.
However, don’t be surprised if 50 Cent’s next CD is a concept album about the art of making quiches and other assorted fancy continental pastry dishes, because 50 Cent, so help us god, has turned soft.
How soft? Get this – 50 Cent wanted to take his little boy on vacation so much that he took, and passed, a court-ordered drug test. Not taking drugs? Caring for his own children? Really, 50 Cent, what kind of role model do you call yourself? Quickly, go and mug a pensioner or shoot a policeman before it’s too late. Yeeuch.
We’re big fans of 50 Cent here at hecklerspray, from that song of his that goes “mumble mumble mumble shoot you mumble dead,” to that other song of his that goes “mumble mumble I got shot mumble mumble did I ever mention that mumble yeah I thought so.” We like 50 Cent because he’s got a formula and he’s not afraid to stick to it.
Even though he lives in a mansion that’s roughly the size of Luxembourg in the middle of a faraway forest, 50 Cent is still as street as they come. He got shot once, you know, did he ever mention that? And he became a drug dealer when he was just 12 years old. And he, um, organises nutritional drives to help combat child obesity.
Basically, if you cut 50 Cent open, he bleeds ghetto. And possibly a little bit of Human Growth Hormone, too. Possibly.
But what’s the least ghetto thing you can think of? How about not taking any drugs so you can go on a lovely holiday with your little boy? Because, as much as it pains us to tell you, that’s what 50 Cent has done.
There’s been a protection order banning 50 Cent from seeing his son Marquise since the house fire that suspiciously gutted the home of Marquise and his mother Shaniqua Tompkins back in May. But 50 Cent wanted to see his son, so he went to court to fight for visitation.
There was one minor caveat set by the court, though – in order to see his son, 50 Cent had to pass a drug test. We’re sorry to tell you that 50 Cent passed. The New York Daily News reports:
Fitty was ordered to take a drug test before a Long Island judge would give him permission to take his son on vacation. Fitty complied, the test came back clean and now he’s free to take 11-year-old Marquise away. “I haven’t seen my son in a while. That’s why I came here today,” the rapper said after he passed the test.
Incidentally, Shaniqua Tompkins was ordered to take the same drug test and hers came back testing positives for opiates. Tompkins is blaming that on cough syrup, but you know what that means? It means 50 Cent is now less street than a woman with the surname Tompkins. You just can’t get less street than that.
Honestly, 50 Cent might feel like he’s accomplished something by passing a drug test and deepening his father-son bond with little Marquise, but this confusing show of maturity is bound to anger and alienate his fans.
Admittedly most 50 Cent fans are so stupid that they’re similarly angered and alienated by things like sentences and original thought, but that’s hardly the point here, is it?
gir says
Well, the results are in. 50 Cent is a more responsible parent than Britney Spears.
Last person out of Hollywood turn off the lights and burn it to the ground.
Mithaearon says
Come back to Reading ’50 I have a bottle of piss waiting for you :P
gir says
haha you crazy Brits and your spotted dicks and your toads-in-the-holes and your bottles of piss.
Zokinho says
Damn, can you hate on fitty any more possible? hah you know how much money fif has, u kno how easy it is to cheat on a drug test, especially when ur name is curtis jackson??my guys doin all kinds of shit, passin drug tests no problem, and you dudes tryin to ACTUALLY hate on him for passin a drug test need to get a life…including the people that published the story, get a life you make me sick…literally
David Bryden says
>> “u kno how easy it is to cheat on a drug test”
And YOU KNOW how easy it is to write correct English, but you don’t respect us enough to do that for us, do you.
imsotired says
i bet you have wet dreams about 50…..stupid ass
janie says
you dumbasses dont you guys have any thing else to do than to wrip on 50 or brit damn go outside play shit get a fuc#$ job worry about your self & not everybody else bet all of you are fucking nerds from HELL sorry bout the english wrote it in ways u nerds would understand
Kiara says
I think 50 Cent is great and I think he should be looking after his son rather than that bitch shaniqua tompkins. Atleast 50 wouldn’t spend all his sons child benefits on himself! 50 Cent gave up crime and drug dealing to give his son a better life, and all you can do is throw it back in his face! It’s rediculous and 50 Cent has even gone to court to win back his rights to visit his son. Shaniqua tompkins and all you lot that have wrote or said bad or horrible stuff about 50 Cent are all a bunch of fat bastards you stupid fuckin’ mother fuckers!
smartdaniel says
hi i am Daniel from Nigeria i just want to say a few thing about his just a boy that need proper care and one thing i want to say is that your son is going to be a super star one
You're all wrong says
My dude 50 never did any drugs and barely drinks. Sure 50 may have sold crack to his own people but never did he consume any of this crack. 50 is the definition of criticism. He swears that he does all of this “gangsta shit” but he does none of it. He’s a fucking uncle tom who’s willing to destroy his own black people with his music. Fuck 50.