hecklerspray has been thinking.
We've noticed how faddy diets are on the increase. From tried and tested granddaddies of the genre like Atkins to more novel approaches such as Shit Yourself Thin or Less Legs Equals Less Lardiness, literally everyone – everyone – is trying to lose weight in an innovative and ultimately unsuccessful way.
Which is why we've come up with our own five-step program… one that's absolutely guaranteed to work. Want to hear it? Okay, then.
1) Don't
2) Eat
3) As
4) Much
5) Food
An unusual approach, we're sure you'll agree. But one that has a certain merit to it. And one that would definitely be of use to the dark huddled masses of the Fat Children Of America.
American children, you see, are overweight. With a nation's youth so obese that many high-school photographs are now required to be long-lens aerial shots, the authorities are understandably getting a mite miffed that the beloved youngsters of the US are too busy stuffing their faces with chocolate bars like FlabVeins or Cadbury's Strawberry Heart Relapse to engage in any sort of physical activity.
And they've got wars to fight, goddamit.
Thank weeping bloody Christ, then, for 50 Cent. Despite rapping like a Yorkshireman trapped in a zeppelin full of sleeping gas, Fiddy has shown that he actually does have something to contribute to the world by spearheading a campaign to slim down America's youth.
What a wonderful man. What a fantastically generous move.
And the fact that the campaign is organised by Glaceau, a company which is partly owned by 50 Cent and which also shovels out boxloads of his special vitamin drink Formula 50 to Wal-marts nationwide?
Just a coincidence. And nothing – stop being so cynical, nothing – to do with marketing at all.
Now get off your arse and go for a run.
Read More:
Rapper Backs Childhood Anti-Obesity Campaign – Breaking News
[story by C J Davies]
daniel hatton says
50 cent is da best a would luv 2 meet him i am his biggest fanam out homie GGG-GUNIT
omar says
i wd love to appear the next 50cent song
CA VIDA LOKA says
eu amo 50cent!!!!!!!!!!
Emilly Nampala says
Continue doing what are doing now don’t let it down
black tiger says
hi man iam black tiger i always hear your music so i want to give me money why?
because iam from africa and u from africa ok now iam here to great u !
la de da says
Thats always the anwser DONT EAT SO MUCH right? wrong!!! you can eat how much want it you just eat healthy foods! btw ur music sux
Fahad says
Yeah. I just like ur music sometimes it makes me like stressout even how i feel inside man just do what u gonna do. And live like a man and die like a man. !!!