Five teenage boys are standing in a circle, arms locked around each others shoulders but this is no group hug.
They are all urinating into the centre.
They are ten metres away from the toilets.
Welcome to Leeds.
Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
By Si Sharp
By Ralph Sanders
Festivals are ace, aren't they? They?re like proper gigs, but you have to spend a weekend in a smelly tent and buy beer for ?4 a can from a crusty trust fund hippy in order to see your favourite band perform their popular hits from half a mile away while you hold in eight pints of urine because you don't want to go to the horrible, horrible toilets.
Anyway, Leeds/Reading have had their lineups ?leaked? to the press, which has had the unfortunate side effect of making it ?news?.
So yay! We can find out which bands we're going to see as unremarkable dots in the distance this year. Would it surprise you to note that most of them are awful? No? In that case, read on.
By Stuart Heritage
The highlight of this weekend’s Reading and Leeds Festival was probably the performance by the Guns N’ Roses tribute band.
They were awesome. Admittedly they didn’t get the details quite right – there was no Slash lookalike and the guy pretending to be Axl Rose was fairly obviously an obese ginger transvestite sea lion who appeared to have never heard a single Guns N’ Roses song in his entire life – but on the whole it was pretty good.
What? That was actually Guns N’ Roses onstage? The real Guns N’ Roses? Seriously? Christ, in that case they were terrible. And, because they were pulled offstage before the end of their set for breaking the festival’s curfew, they’re all now furious. Or at least as furious as a person can be when they’re dressed up like Mick Hucknall‘s drunken line-dancing auntie, anyway.