Five teenage boys are standing in a circle, arms locked around each others shoulders but this is no group hug.
They are all urinating into the centre.
They are ten metres away from the toilets.
Welcome to Leeds.
Another teenage boy is enjoying the comforts of a campfire.
A tent sits barely twelve inches away from the pile of burning rubbish.
?You're brave having that so near your tent? a concerned passer-by ventures.
?It's not my tent? comes the reply.
Yep. This is definitely Leeds alright.
This is not a festival where common sense prevails, but one where chaos reigns. It also routinely has one of the best line-ups a fan of what was once called ?alternative rock? but what could only be referred to now as ?not metal? could desire. ?There are thousands of indie kids who are individually polite and considerate but as a collective are a drunken malco-ordinated tsunami of excitement. we're only brave enough to come for one day.
Perhaps being the first band on the NME/Radio 1 stage is a prestigious slot? It's the only to explain why Pulled Apart By Horses would be so low on the bill with the sound turned down to ?morning?. Quiet noise-rock? Pity, since they're one of more exciting homegrown live acts to have appeared in the last few years. We always undervalue British bands when they choose making a noise over striking a pose. We hope that's not the case here.
Does it Offend You, Yeah? really are the perfect act for Leeds. With their anarchic attitude and childish techno-rock they provide the perfect antidote to The Blackout?s exercise in danger-free genre adherence playing simultaneously on the main stage. The kids get DIOYY in a way that suggests that they're a critic-proof party band. On this occasion the kids are all right.
Dublin three-piece The Minutes are the first of several bands that we catch on the BBC Introducing stage. They?re another one whose sound requires more volume. Their brand of rock n? roll would be better suited to a venue that's wet as a result of perspiration rather than precipitation.
Employees of the hair conditioner industry aren't the only people grateful for Bring Me the Horizon. The band earn such devotion from their fans, but presumably from their metalcore anthems rather than singer Olly Sykes genital fixation. We've not seen this much simulated masturbation since late ’80s Madonna.
After briefly checking out Cerebral Ballzy?s supremely energetic take on ’80s skatepunk, we catch a couple of songs from the dreamy piano-playing piece of girl-bait that is Tim Minchin before the heat of the tent gets too much.
Yes, they sound like no-one else, yes they are the thinking man?s metal band but after years of trying to like them, we're just going to have to come clean- we find Deftones boring. Dreadfully boring.
The Vaccines remind us of so many bands that we can't even be bothered to work out whether they're any good. This may seem like a betrayal of journalistic responsibility but there's only so much musical analysis we can do. If we think any more about the Vaccines we might miss the next Beatles.
It's a good time at the moment if you like music with fuzzed-up early 90s guitar on. If you enjoyed the Yuck album, but want something more lo-fi but with a (slight) nod towards Velvets, you could do a lot worse than the Milk Maid album. There's something pleasing about albums full of great melodies that are knowingly under produced- a reminder of how bringing joy to a few is better inspiration than redundant (and unrealistic) rock star fantasies. Live, they make it look effortless, which is not the same thing as uncaring.
Jared Leto really is a preposterous individual. I've never seen someone get so into rock star posturing that they can't find the time to play any actual music, but that seems to be what passes for a performance from 30 Seconds to Mars. He invites fans on stage (a drawn-out, logistically challenging patience tester), makes long speeches about how awesome we all are, and thanks us for helping sell out their recent tour (complete with list of venues). It's the most expensive award ceremony speech we've ever seen! We should point out that silly as this all is, it's rather endearing.
My Chemical Romance are one hell of a pop band. We don't mean that as an insult- they've amassed an arsenal of catchy 4 minute sing-a-long songs, and play them like a balls-out rock band. We don't know whether we?d ever buy an album but they're certainly welcome in a world with plenty of big-selling artists but not many worthy headliners.
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Alias says
A festival for faggots to listen to faggots sing about being faggots
Great
Mr Brains says
Dearest Alias,
I have never attended the Leeds festival but have been to Reading but that was back in the mid 90’s, before your time I would imagine! I was so delighted to read your comment on Mr Sharp’s article that a major festival has been dedicated to my famous recipe of pork off cuts, onions and industrial foodstuff filler.
Sadly, I am sorry to inform you that Mr Brains Famous Faggots limited went into liquidation in 2003 (the official receivers being KPMG who frankly know nothing of pork based snacks in gravy). I should also warn any of you “hip cats” out there who attended the festival that if you have any cans of my famous faggots in your cupboards, they are probably well out of date and could cause horrific food poisoning.
I missed the coverage on the wireless of the festival but would be grateful if you happen to have any recordings. I would especially love to hear an entire set by 30 seconds to Mars dedicated entirely to my product.
Yours gratefully,
Mr Brains
EssBen says
Look at all those terrible middle class little shits, I hope they all got trench foot and botulism.
Mr Gibbler says
When the reviewer says “we”, is it a royal we?
Si Sharp says
Pretty much. It’s called the editorial we. It’s like a royal we, but it’s not followed by a royal flush.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We#The_editorial_.22we.22
Glark Cable says
Does that mean, for example, everyone was at the shows and they all dislike the Vaccines?
Regardless, I’m glad that you/you all dislike 30 seconds to Mars.