Eventually this moronic Rihanna and Chris Brown twaddle is going to make a brilliant made-for-TV movie.
And now it’s got its soundtrack. Well, the musical part of the soundtrack, anyway – we hear that all of the audio effects will be attained by smashing a cauliflower with a pneumatic drill and recording a hall full of weeping children. But this is a tangent.
Apparently the duet that Rihanna and Chris Brown have recorded involves “growing stronger in a relationship”. For Chris Brown, that means growing stronger emotionally. While for Rihanna it presumably means investing in body armour and some bear mace.
All relationships have their ups and downs. For every moment of blind, joy-drenched euphoria that you may experience as part of a couple, there are bound to be occasions when you’re less than enamoured with your loved one.
You know, maybe they leave the toilet seat up, maybe they pile all their rubbish on top of the bin rather than empty it, maybe they start attacking you in a car because you caught them trying to have an affair with a much older woman and then your mouth starts filling up with blood and then they tell you that they’re going to kill you and then they choke you unconscious. Boy, those niggly little character defects sure can get irritating!
And we’ve often found that the best way to deal with these sort of pet peeves isn’t to criminally prosecute them for the intense physical and emotional pain that they’ve caused to set an example to all abused women around the world, but to have a nice little sing-song about. It works for us and, goddamnit, it’s working for Rihanna as well.
As we reported earlier this week, part of Rihanna’s inexplicably goonish reunion with Chris Brown involves them recording a duet together. At the time it sounded like a bad idea – or, to be more accurate, an idea so colossally stupid that the only way that Rihanna could make it worse would have involved giving Chris Brown a set of knuckledusters, a sock with a snooker ball in it and a copy of Sleeping With The Enemy on DVD as a belated Valentine’s day present – but maybe we were wrong.
According to a source, Rihanna and Chris Brown are using the duet to frankly work through their problems in brutal, emotionally-wrenching fashion. A source told Us Magazine:
The new song is “about growing stronger in a relationship”, according to a source from Us magazine. “The song was originally created for Rihanna before the fight, however, it wasn’t initially slated for Chris to be on the song. The funny thing is, the song expresses the emotions that both Chris and Rihanna are feeling at this moment ? facing challenges and overcoming the ups and downs of a relationship,” the source said.
That song, My Heart Goes Binkety Bonkey Boo (When You Kiss Me), is due for release in the summer.
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Julian Mentat says
Let’s face it, we don’t know what’s going on between those two young people.
We don’t know what happened that night.
The only people who are sure what happened are Rihanna, Chris, and thousands of pro-violence women who have a laundry list of theories why She Deserved It.
Julian Mentat says
Such as the STD theory. How does that one go?
“Chris gave her an STD and she didn’t say Thank You Sir.”