They tried to make Amy Winehouse go to hospital, but she said – well actually she was fairly unresponsive, so they took her to hospital.
That’s right, it’s time for another installment of our four-billion-part series ‘Amy Winehouse Goes To Hospital For Something That’s Probably Got Something To Do With Drugs.’ In this edition, Amy Winehouse goes to hospital for something that’s probably got something to do with drugs.
Apparently Amy Winehouse was admitted to a clinic on Sunday after reacting badly to medication, and she’s been kept there to undergo tests. Sadly, those tests include the ‘Here’s a picture of a fan, do you sincerely thank them for their support or punch them in the face?’ test and the ‘Is it better to look like a human being or a cave drawing of a rampaging lizardman?’ test, so it looks like Amy will remain in hospital for the foreseeable.
You know how jokers always say that planes should be made out of the same material as their black box recorders? They’re wrong. If planes want to be completely indestructible, they should be made of bits of Amy Winehouse.
True, it’d make air travel noisier, more erratic and far more terrifying – plus all the planes would be so smelly and dirty-looking that everyone would have to coat their seats with newspaper first so as not to catch any sort of horrible disease, but the planes would be indestructible.
And that’s because Amy Winehouse is indestructible. Yes, she might look like an extra from a Popeye Variety Hour spoof of 28 Days Later, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that if you tried to keep up with Amy Winehouse’s lifestyle – the drug overdoses, the fistfights with strangers, the being married to a steaming wazzock – you’d be dead within a week.
Not Amy Winehouse, though. She’s still going strong. Well, not strong, obviously – Amy Winehouse is in hospital because some medication went crazy inside her body – but she’s still going. She’s barely going. Amy Winehouse is barely going. Reuters reports:
Singer Amy Winehouse is in hospital after reacting badly to medication, a spokesman said on Tuesday. The 25-year-old Grammy winner was admitted to a clinic after falling ill on Sunday and has been kept there for tests.
If that sounds familiar, it’s because it is – four months ago Amy Winehouse ended up in hospital for the exact same thing. And in four months’ time it’ll happen again. And again after that. Look, we’re no medical experts or anything, but if your medication keeps making you so ill that you have to keep going to hospital, maybe you should stop taking it. Or, you know switch to Tixylix. Amy Winehouse’s doctors are idiots.
But still, at least Amy Winehouse is in hospital being treated properly for her illness now, and the biggest danger while she’s in there will be withdrawal. No, not her withdrawal from drugs, silly – we’re talking about our withdrawal from seeing paparazzi photos of Amy Winehouse standing on her doorstep in newspapers every single day.
Honestly, if we don’t see a brand new picture of Amy Winehouse dressed up like Mumm-Ra‘s concussed and scabby stepmother every single day, we don’t know what we’ll do. We might have to downgrade to looking at pictures of serious burns victims or something equally meek in comparison. Bleurgh.
gir says
And she seemed like such a nice girl.
euclid says
Bonus points for “concussed and scabby”.
Great title for her next release (of music, not from hospital,
though apt).
Shooty* says
Now, if I was a doctor, I’d strap her to a bed and feed her through an IV tube for 3 months, forced detox. In a soundproof room.
Hang on… essentially, I’d treat her like Sylar from Heroes was treated on Level 5. Spooky.