Some drug addicts only get clean by transferring their addiction to other pursuits – you know, like religion or drunkenly headbutting men or knitting.
It’s a tactic that Amy Winehouse seems keen to follow – she’s decided to become a knitting nun.
No, just kidding. In fact, Amy Winehouse has been accused of drunkenly headbutting a man and then punching someone else in the face, and police are now investigating whether to arrest her or not. If arrested and found guilty, Amy could be looking at six months in jail. But if she’s in jail, then who’s going to stagger around awards shows all shitfaced screaming “Blaaaaaaake!” over and over? Leona Lewis? Pffff – hardly.
It’s Blake Fielder-Civil we feel most sorry for, you know. If he taught Amy Winehouse anything it was that 1) debilitating drug addictions are fun and 2) if you’re going to attack anyone, at least continue until your victims need metal plates inserted into their faces for the rest of their lives. But did Amy Winehouse listen? Well, to the first one, yes, that’s clear to everyone – but the second?
Definitely not. You see, police are investigating claims that Amy Winehouse went on an attacky rampage a few nights ago, headbutting a man in the face for trying to hail her a taxi and then punching some other bloke in the face during an argument about a pool table.
And what does that mean? It means that Amy Winehouse either attacked them so weakly that their faces will heal without the aid of metal plates or – worse still – she didn’t attack them at all. Really, Amy, you’re a constant disappointment to your husband, you know that. Access Hollywood reports:
“Police are investigating an alleged assault on Chalk Farm Road at approximately 3:20 AM on April 23,” a member of Britain’s Metropolitan Police told People. “A 38-year-old man [contacted] Kentish Town police station and alleged a 24-year-old woman had assaulted him. No arrests have been made as yet but inquiries continue.”… The Sun claimed Amy also punched another person in the face – Moroccan musician, Mustapha el Mounmi — after a dispute over a pool table. “I feel so angry,” Mounmi said. “She smashed my face hard. I could not hit back – a woman.”
It’s important to point out that Amy Winehouse hasn’t even been arrested for these alleged attacks yet, let alone charged, so we shouldn’t condemn her just yet. And, as much as we trust drunk men who hang around Chalk Farm at 2am on Wednesday nights, we can’t help feeling that Amy Winehouse’s beehive is now so monumental that a move as neck-reliant as a headbutt would have left her vertebrae smashed to pieces and scattered across most of north London.
Still, there is a chance that Amy Winehouse was responsible for these attacks. We just can’t see how a crack-addicted nutter with self-harming tendencies and history of violent outbursts could ever… oh wait. Yes we can. Never mind.
Read more:
British Police Investigating Alleged Assault Involving Amy Winehouse – Access Hollywood