Attention, girls and creepy old men: the Jonas Brothers go boobs-out in their new film!
We’ve seen some pretty nasty things at the cinema. Saw II. Albanian midgetporn. And that bit in The Love Guru between getting out of the car and getting back in the car – just sickening.
But even our battle-hardened stomach has warned us we're not to go and see the new Jonas Brothers movie, which shows the boys larking about backstage while semi-naked. It said if we try to watch the film, it’ll start flinging organs up through our mouth one at a time until we promise to be good. Or die. Y’know, whichever.
Of course, the celebrity flashwagon is a tried and trusted vehicle for getting the public’s attention. Madonna has done it her whole career, from the days when she was young and pretty to the days when she’s old and looks like an elbow. And when things started falling apart for Britney Spears, she knew that the best way back was to show up at a takeaway and flash her saggy baggy tuppence at the waiting photographers.
So the Jonas brothers are just the latest in this honourable line, having decided that their new film – despite being all 3D and whatnot – needed a little extra to spice it up. And that the little extra should be some hugely muscled chests. Or rather, some chests that wouldn't look out of place on an emphysemic pigeon who hasn't eaten for a week.
So, is this a cynical publicity attempt? No way, say the boys, the camera just caught some good-natured, spontaneous, young boy tomfoolery. They told MTV:
The thing is, we were in the midst of the show, so we were just continuing like a show. So when we went backstage, we didn’t realize they [the camera crew] were there and we were changing. We went, ‘Oh my gosh! Wow! We might want to get them out of here.’ So it was in the moment.
Ah, the old ‘in the moment’ line. We know it well, and can confirm that it does not stand up in a courtroom.
Generously, the Brothers have made a concession to those people unable to contain either their libido or their gastric contents in the presence of Jonas manbumps. Viewers can request the special 3D glasses which come with a drawing pin on the inside of each lens and a bib. At the appropriate moment, they just need to tap on the glasses to pierce their eyeballs. Any unpleasant fluids collect in the bib, which is also biodegradable.
Sadly, none of this topless nonsense has worked, the Jonas movie having been beaten this weekend by Tyler Perry‘s latest moralising-through-the-medium-of-man-in-fat-lady-suit-getting-bummed-in-prison movie. So, expect the lads to up the ante next time, when they release a film called, ‘The Jonas Brothers Get All Filthy And Naked And Wee Over Each Other And Everything‘.
We’d like to finish by saying that, although the Jonas Brothers have had to endure lots of rumours and snide chatter about their sexuality, hecklerspray will play no part in perpetuating such baseless rumours.
Oh yes, and one more quote from their MTV interview:
We had to turn the tables and ask the guys: is there anyone you are fanatical about? Nick very quickly answered, ‘Daniel Craig’.
You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!
JB_is_better_than_you says
You are fucking retarded. The Jonas Brothers, and their music, are so amazing and all you fucking critics care about is bringing them down. They’re popular, and successful. Get over it and get a life.
LOLing says
LOL, oh shut up, other commenter…this site is trying to be FUNNY. And I just LOLed endlessly, thanks. Somehow it’s easier when the humor goes ridiculously far like you guys do than everyone else who is just mean and insulting.
Jonases are great, anyway.
Elle says
nick is freekin hott
Elle says
what ever the dang movie made 2nd place you sore losers
Elle says
what ever the dang movie made 2nd place you sore losers leav them alone
mst3kster says
If Gibbo is fucking retarded, that means he’s fucking you JB…
and Elle.
hypers says
before the 1930s in America they would have been arrested for being topless.
this was a major taboo even for males
now it
jonasgirl says
i saw the movie w/a friend when it came out & it waz freakin awesome!!!!! actually… in my opinion, the shirtless scene waz the best… lol!
someone says
It’s really no big deal at all. If they said they didn’t know they were filming them topless, then why not take their word for it?