And the Jonas Brothers had a film out on Friday. So what’s the number one movie at the weekend box office this week? You guessed it – it’s Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes To Jail.
Poor old the Jonas Brothers – they weren’t really supposed to be beaten by a man dressed as a fat old lady for another decade until their success waned and they developed drug habits that opened them up to a world of mind-bending transsexual S&M. Those lucky Jonas Brothers.
Last week was Oscar weekend and, by and large, everyone assumed that Madea Goes To Jail made it as the top-grossing movie at the US weekend box office because people would happily go and watch any old crap if it meant avoiding seeing Hugh Jackman prance around like a fairy.
But now Madea Goes To Jail has managed to notch up another week at the top of the weekend box office. Why? Well it might because the Jonas Brothers brought out a movie in 3D, which limits their audience considerably, especially since the only people who like the Jonas Brothers are three years old, so their heads are all too small for the 3D glasses. Better luck next time, virgins. Here’s the weekend box office top five…
1 – Madea Goes To Jail (Coming soon: Madea Is Released From Jail, Madea Finds Her History As A Prisoner Leves Her Unable To Gain Meaningful Employment, Madea Develops Mild Agoraphobia and Madea Hangs Herself Like The Bloke From The Shawshank Redemption) $16,500,000
2 – Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (Coming soon: Jonas Brothers: The 4D Concert Experience soon, which will also utilise the sensation of smell. And then Jonas Brothers: The 5D Concert Experience, where you\’ll literally be able to reach into the screen and slap the Jonas Brothers and tell them to stop being such an annoying bunch of bastards) $12,700,000
3 – Slumdog Millionaire (Proof that all the millions and millions of dollars of marketing for the Oscars have paid off. So there you go, aspiring filmmakers of the future – make the best film of the year and you too can linger at number three at the weekend box office behind a film about a man in a fat suit and some virgins singing Busted cover versions) $12,150,000
4 – Taken (We finally got round to seeing Taken this weekend, and it's obviously massively unrealistic. $500,000 to buy and keep Maggie Grace and keep her as a sex slave? Even though she runs like a wounded puppet and looks a decade older than 17? Hardly) $9,950,000
5 – He's Just Not That Into You (Why is this even still in the weekend box office top five? Because you might be able to see Scarlett Johansson?s bottom in it? Because there's a chance that Drew Barrymore might accidentally shatter her shins on a ceramic dog? Because those are literally the only two reasons we can think of) $5,875,000