Oh boy, we didn’t see this coming. Remember when Jon and Kate Gosselin said they were making an announcement? Well, they’ve made it.
In our office Jon & Kate Plus 8 sweepstake, we put money on the announcement being about a new recipe for gooseberry jam. But no – in a move that literally nobody on Earth could have possibly seen coming, Jon and Kate Gosselin have stunningly revealed that they’re to split.
That’s split as in divorce, by the way, not split as in split open their kids’ skulls with a hammer if they answer back. Although that’s probably feasible too.
This is a sad day indeed. Jon and Kate Gosselin weren’t just the parents of eight overbearing attention-starved showbiz kids, they were everyone’s parents. And, just like our real parents, we didn’t even know that Jon and Kate Gosselin existed until about three months ago when they started pulling sad faces on the front covers of several magazines that we don’t read because someone had accused them of infidelity. It’s a universal story.
And now, like a flash, it’s all over. Last night in a special hour-long episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon and Kate Gosselin told the world that they’re splitting up. Or at least they told the portion of the world that a) knows who Jon & Kate Gosselin are, b) can somehow bring itself to care about either of them and c) hadn’t already worked out that the announcement was going to involve a divorce sometime in the middle of last week. So about three people. Jon and Kate Gosselin told about three people that they’re splitting up.
Nevertheless, Reuters reports:
“Kate and I have decided to separate,” Jon Gosselin said just over 40 minutes into a one-hour episode. “I don’t hate him, never have, never will,” Kate Gosselin said. “I don’t hate Kate,” Jon said. “We don’t have anything now,” said Jon, who criticized the media scrutiny the family has faced in recent years.
Wow, Jon Gosselin’s right – he and Kate really don’t have anything now. Except, you know, a massive house, millions of dollars of income and, oh, what was that other thing that they have? Oh yeah – eight bloody children that they still have to look after. And it’s perfectly fair of him to blame the split on the media, too. Stupid media and its stupid habit of reporting things that have actually happened. When will it learn?
But anyway, this news that Jon and Kate Gosselin are splitting up has probably left you quivering and inconsolable, so let’s do the sensible thing and let’s remember all the good times that they had together – like when they were accused of exploiting their children for monetary gain, or when they were investigated for animal abuse, or when they openly hit their kids in front of photographers. Golden moments, one and all. We’ll miss you, Jon & Kate Plus 8.
Wait, what’s that? This isn’t the end of Jon & Kate Plus 8? Jon and Kate will still live in their house with the kids during their time with them, and all interviews for the show will be conducted separately? We suppose that makes sense – this is bound to be a rough time for the kids, so it’s probably wise to stick to the same routine they’ve grown used to in order to protect them from emotional damage. Good.
Now, so long as neither Jon or Kate Gosselin decide to make creepy, heartless overtures hinting that the only reason they’re allowing the series to continue is because of all the money they’ll get from it, we think we’re OK with this. Isn’t that right, Kate Gosselin?
“How does the show go on? The show MUST go on!”
Oh you couldn’t sodding help yourself, could you?
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Karla says
I’ve never seen this show, but for what I’ve read and seen, I don’t know how these people are allowed to have a show on T.V…
holy moly says
What did Kate do tell Jon if you don’t stay to pay the bills with your cut and help take care of the kids “You’ll get Maddy”. Oh yeah… live in some crappy apartment trapped with that little monster and see how your whoring around goes. All the help TLC covers with be at my house asshole and with all the child support you’ll be paying a “crappy apartment” will be all you get.
Dawn says
WOW such judgemental people we americans are. First we watch the reality T.V. shows then we yell and complain about the people who do them when things go wrong. Jon and Kate are everyday americans the only problem waws that everyone got involved with their life, Yes they did a television show but that is it be happy with what you see on t.v. and leave these people alone at the end of the day they deserve their privacy too. Everyday normal redblooded americans do the same exact thing with their children that kate and jon do. Wow people spank children everyday and no cops are called, grown ups do fun things everyday and their children watch and nobody calls the media but Jon and Kate they can’t get a minutes peace, Their business is their business. How about the veiwers out there be happy with what you see on t.v. and leave these people alone. Quit judging.
Bobby James says
Holy Moly, what the f#ck did you just say?
shelly says
Bobby
holy is referring to the twin on the show that is a fit throwing, hateful lier that bullies her little brothers and sisters. She tends to ruin family vacations and outings.
Being stuck with that one would be horrible once she becomes a teen.
JoeMomma says
So…. the people who watch this show are Chris Brown fans?
Tommy says
I love kate gosselin, who cares that they have a TV show and who cares its still on the air and who cares that one day the kids will grow up to be crazy money hungry brats that will probably have their own TV show.. keep it coming TLC bc i am in love!!
Amie says
LOL, too funny!! Here is my memo to Jon.. You act like a baby , your kids are more mature than you, plain and simple. GROW UP! You have 8 kids and a beautiful wife, deal with it! Maybe if you would man up and stop acting so clueless, Kate wouldn’t have to tell you every move to make. You should be greatful for all you have and have been given thanks to your show, many families much smaller struggle and live day to day. I am so sick of the whining. WAA WAA, GET OVER YOURSELF! I like how you told everyone that you are “hurt but also excited” about this “new chapter” in your life. Let me guess what you really meant.. “Yay now I don’t have to deal with my bitch wife and can sleep with whoever I want…”
LOL, PATHETIC……Your kids are a priority? When? Between flings?
stephanie says
agreed! =]
joey says
I dont feel sorry for them…the only people that i feel any thing for it the kids