Jon & Kate Plus 8: Wait, They Hate Dogs Too Now?

Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Gosselins, animal crueltyTimes are tough for the Gosselins. One of them might be having an affair. Another might be an genuinely horrible witch.

Their kids are at the centre of an exploitation investigation. And they must all face up to the fact that people only watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 is because one day somebody’s bound to have a shrieking emotional breakdown and hold a child hostage behind a locked door with a jagged shard of crockery held to its throat. But things couldn’t get worse for Jon and Kate Gosselin, right?

Wrong – now they’ve been accused of animal abuse too. Hilarious.

The thing about cruelty, right, is that it gets boring so darn fast. One minute you’re making your spouse’s life a unrelenting nightmare by, say, sleeping with other women or withholding funds in your grasping little hands, and then that all starts to get a bit dull so you decide to rope your obscenely numerous children into starring in a reality TV show that’s mostly about the look of growing despair that spreads across their faces over the course of 40 episodes as they slowly come to realise that their parents don’t even like each other. And then that gets old too. So what do you do?

Simple, you start beating up your household pets.

Not that any of that has happened to Jon and Kate Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8, though – true, Jon may have been accused of screwing around, and Kate may have been accused of being a fame-demented harpy determined to live her life out in public no matter the cost to her immediate family. And, yes, they might both be under investigation for child exploitation. But none of it has been proved – and if there’s one thing the Gosselins are not, it’s animal-abusers.

Unless, you know, you happen to listen to the complaints received by the Gosselins’ local Humane Society, which allege that the Gosselin kids beat up their two family dogs Shoka and Nala and bite them and pull them around by their tails and whatnot. Because then it might seem like they are animal abusers.

Not that any of it matters – the Humane Society doesn’t believe that the animals are in danger and Jon Gosselin has released a statement backing it all up:

?We understand the responsibilities of being good dog owners. Whenever my kids are with Shoka and Nala, everyone is carefully supervised to ensure that no one ? dog or child ? is injured. Shoka and Nala are loyal companions who we consider members of our family. We would never do anything to hurt them, and treat them with the respect and love that they deserve.?

See? Jon Gosselin thinks that his dogs are members of his own family, and as such would never do anything to hurt them. That means he wouldn’t, say, sleep around with a succession of other dogs behind their backs, or put his name on a number of books about raising dogs without their explicit permission, or force them to star in a reality TV show that they’ll one day grow up to realise was a painful portrait of a loveless marriage in its final gasps that was only made to satiate a relentless and inexplicable desire for attention and material wealth.

Nothing like that at all. They’re family, after all.

Anyway, tune in next week, when we admonish Jon and Kate Gosselin for verbally abusing some bacteria.

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  1. says

    This is all another ploy to discredit the already guilty?! And by the way when someone “realizes” something it is spelled with a “z”.
    If we the public are going to make personal comments and condemnations upon others, let us be sure to do it using proper grammer, puncuation and spelling. Otherwise “we” come off looking as stupid and inept as the parties to which “we” are finger pointing.

  2. Christy says

    Except that Kate has been very verbal about not wanting or liking the dogs. I’ve heard her ask strangers on videos if they would want them. So she is probably not doing anything to teach her kids how to take care of them.

  3. Jamal says

    If this was real news reporting and not satire you pretentious bitch.

    I bet you’ve ruined many jokes in your day.

  4. Molly says

    I agree with you, Christy. But this is the pattern of Kate’s behavior. She belittles Jon, her children and the animals. I watched to see what all the ‘fuss’ was about and I just hate the way she talks about her children. Would any of us like to be described as sneaky, etc by our mothers on national television. She berates everyone. I had to stop watching. And when they got the puppies, I just cringed.
    Did you see the episode where they all converged like a pack on the magicians rabbit (pulling and smashing it)? And Kate never stepped in to say, “One at a time and this is how we pet a rabbit…” That was painful and distressing to watch. I was hoping that the magician, at least, would not allow such behavior. But no, for a little fame and greed, we’ll allow such immoral and unethical things to happen. That’s when I decided that Kate was no role model as a parent and I want nothing to do with supporting her in any way shape or fashion. Only watch to learn how NOT to treat children and animals.

  5. says

    Tammy, the ignorant slut-

    Besides people that complain about typos, misspellings, grammar, and punctuation in other’s comments on the Internet, the only thing more annoying is people that complain about others when they also have errors in their own comments or else don’t know the rules of spelling or grammar themselves.

    It is perfectly acceptable in the English language to “realise” something, and spell it with an “s”. It is also acceptable in America to see it spelled with a “z”, but either is acceptable.

    Go back to school you mindless idiot.

    You’re as much fun as watching a tomato rotting with maggots.


  6. Sylvia says

    :lol at Jon’s comment about the dogs being part of the family. Well, I guess that is correct. He first dates and has sex with as many women under the age 30 as possible, and now he dumps the dogs too. Oh, but it is ALL KATE’s Fault. He is such a tool.

  7. vicki says

    Now I know why I didn’t see those two precious animals anymore. It makes me sick. They should have gotten rid of those eight brats before the dogs. I have never missed an episode of theirs and now you couldn’t pay me to watch their show. I just hope that they don’t allow Jon to get the two dogs back and never allow him or her to have another animal