The American Idol final is gone. Gone but not forgotten. Following the victory of Kris Whateverhisnamewas, the shock is still palpable.
But don’t think that fallen American Idol loser Adam Lambert won’t have the last laugh. Kris Allen may have won the battle, but Adam Lambert has won the war – Adam Lambert’s going to be the new singer of Queen!
Except he isn’t. Brian May mumbled something about it recently, which means that Adam Lambert will probably end up being the fourth male lead in the pan-Siberian touring version of We Will Rock Rock You in about 15 years’ time. Fact.
Adam Lambert’s stunning American Idol defeat last week has forced America to face up to some serious questions. Questions like ‘Was Kris Allen’s victory a sign of institutionalised homophobia in America?’, ‘Really? It was? Do any of you even know how the music industry works?’ and ‘Does it even matter anyway? It’s not as if we’re ever going to hear another peep from either of them ever again, is it?’
But just because he ended up flaming out of American Idol at the last hurdle, the tremendous – some might say froth-mouthed and utterly terrifying – support that Adam Lambert has gained along his journey can only help his chances of achieving the success he so obviously craves. Especially since one of his supporters is none other than Brian May from Queen.
That’s RIGHT! Brian May LIKES ADAM LAMBERT! And he’s in QUEEN! And Queen are 1) all about annoyingly over-theatrical songs, 2) at their best when fronted by a berserk egomaniac and 3) completely unable to recognise when they should quit. And ADAM LAMBERT IS ALL OF THOSE THINGS! ADAM LAMBERT IS GOING TO BE QUEEN’S NEW SINGER! SQUEEEEE!!!
Except, wait, no. Just because a moron on the internet said that they’d quite like it if Adam Lambert became the new Queen singer, it doesn’t mean that it’s true. In fact, Brian May says he hasn’t even spoken to Adam Lambert about the possibility of it becoming true, as he told Rolling Stone:
“Amongst all that furor, there wasn’t really a quiet moment to talk. But [drummer Roger Taylor] and I are definitely hoping to have a meaningful conversation with him at some point. It’s not like we, as Queen, would rush into coalescing with another singer just like that. It isn’t that easy. But I’d certainly like to work with Adam. That is one amazing instrument he has there.”
So who knows? It might work out. After all, Adam Lambert and Queen share the same flair for grating flamboyance, and Adam’s certainly got the range to sing all of Queen’s greatest hits, like the one about seeing a little silhouetto of a man, or the one about bicycles, or the one about dying of AIDS. So it might work out.
Or, alternatively, maybe Queen realise that without even Paul Rogers to prop up their creaky old nostalgic karaoke machine, the only chance they have of selling concert tickets is to rope in whoever happens to be popular on YouTube at any given moment. And that might work out, too, until Adam Lambert gets sacked after a fortnight so that Susan Boyle can have a go. And then Keyboard Cat. And then, if there’s any justice in the world, this chap.
Which we’d be more than OK with, by the way.