Our favourite part of watching American Idol has always been?crying under the couch with our fingers knuckle-deep in our ears?anytime someone holding our remote control decides to check it out.
Our?least favourite part of watching the show has always been the aural bleeding. Admittedly that’s probably because our un-filed fingers had just been jammed in there, but still, in our head we blamed Paula Abdul.
Now that blame will have to shift to Ellen DeGeneres. She, apparently, is?Abdul’s new full-time, permanent replacement.
Ellen DeGeneres is a very busy woman. She’s already got the world’s number one talk show of all time as ranked by women with boy haircuts, she hosts the Oscars pretty much everybday, Cover Girl thinks she really speaks to their desired 50-year-old woman demographic – and now she’s gonna be putting in an extra 40 hours per week telling children to please “For the love of all that is now or ever has been holy, slit your vocal cord before the sun sets another day. Your mother probably hates you.”
That, we figure, will be her catchphrase.
Surely you remember that Paula Abdul up and quit her job recently. When we first heard this we thought it meant she was no longer an expired 80s pop star. No, no she’s still that. It’s not really a job, but she is still that. She quit American Idol. At first the rumours were flying that she was gonna be replaced by MC Skat Kat. Although this would have been a tremendous step forward, talks fell through when Pixar refused to climb on board.
So Idol had to settle for second best.
Second best is Ellen DeGeneres. No – not that Ellen DeGeneres. The other one. The one with the talk show. Reuters says:
“Fox television executives and the producers of the hit singing talent show had been searching for a permanent, new judge to sit in Abdul’s seat when the ninth season of the show returns to TV in January 2010. “As the new judge, Ellen will offer her own unique perspective to the contestants throughout the competition,” Fox said in a statement. DeGeneres, whose award-winning talk show “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” is in its seventh season, described herself as a longtime fan of the show.”
This comes as harsh news to Abdul’s ardent fan who was desperate for?her to make a triumphant return to the show. Possibly on a parade float or something. That fan died a while back though. Everyone else seems rather indifferent.
Well, everyone except DeGeneres seems indifferent. Here’s what she says about joining the judges:
“So getting this job is a dream come true, and think of all the money I’ll save from not having to text my vote.”
Well that’s that. There is no longer room for Abdul at the long table. There’s some question as to what she’s gonna do next. If any of you know of a job opening wherein a person can lay around comatose sobbing about how she could be so stupid, and why won’t Simon call her back, get that to her agent, won’t you?
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JoeMomma says
This will make the show even more insufferable. DeGen stopped being funny when she walked out of the womb.
Pierre says
A surprising choice. I wonder how much Ellen is being paid.