That’s it. American Idol has lost its heart. Well, maybe not its heart – more like its atrophied cerebellum.
Anyway, look, Paula Abdul has left American Idol. That was our point. And Paula Abdul’s American Idol departure is a shock – for all the threats and posturing from her management recently, we were certain that Paula was just angling for a bigger salary. But no – first Paula Abdul Twittered her resignation and then Fox confirmed it.
We can’t overstate what a loss this is. Without Paula Abdul around, the American Idol contestants will now be forced to sleep with each other. Disappointing.
American Idol has been good for Paula Abdul. It was the show that finally got people to stop seeing her as the hasbeen who did that awful song with a cartoon cat and start seeing her as the boogly-eyed, desperately incomprehensible, painkiller dependent woman who’d somehow lucked her way into a high-profile job that she seemed vastly underqualified for.
But that’s all in the past now. Paula Abdul has decided to quit American Idol for good, either because contract negotiations broke down or because of tense interpersonal relationships between the judges or because Paula wanted to dedicate more time to her hobby of quacking like a duck at her own reflection for hours at a time. We’re sure that a clearer picture will emerge in the next few days, but all we have for now is the Twitter message that Paula Abdul wrote to the world yesterday:
“With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return… I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon.”
And Fox’s confirmation that Paula Abdul was a goner:
“[Paula was] an important part of the ‘American Idol’ family over the last eight seasons and we are saddened that she has decided not to return to the show.”
This announcement had been coming for a while, ever since Paula Abdul threw a tantrum because she wasn’t getting paid as much as Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell. At the time it looked like a canny negotiation tactic on her part, but now that it’s backfired it seems more like greedy petulance. It seems unlikely that Paula Abdul will ever score such a high-paying job again, unless of course planet Earth is invaded by an army of shrieking, easily-distracted aliens and she’s employed by the government to communicate with them. Which could happen.
So what happens to Paula Abdul now? Well, it’s time for her to wistfully reflect on all the amazing opportunities that American Idol has given her – like the opportunity to allegedly sleep with an American Idol contestant, the opportunity to disfigure her face on a dog, the opportunity to be an international laughing stock and the opportunity to see what it’s like to have a crazed fan commit suicide on her doorstep. Golden moments, one and all. It’ll be sad to see Paula Abdul go.
And it’ll be crushingly inevitable when, two shows into the new American Idol season, Simon Cowell dramatically and spontaneously realises on camera that he has to immediately re-hire Paula Abdul, just like he did with Louis Walsh on X Factor a few years ago. Probably.
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mcyi9jm2 says
Aww thats a shame, she certainly had the chops!! (American Idol joke)
It will be amusing if they do a Louis on it, I’ll add it to my American Idol drinking game along with when Simon makes an incongruous analogy, when Randy shouts Dawg or throws a gang sign or when Kara nods smugly like she’s just imparted divine wisdom – can’t wait but it will be 50% less enyoyable without Paula…
Technology Slice says
It sounds like Paula got a little greedy.
breeanna says
i think paula made the show more entertianing and something people want to watch, like everyone wants to see paula and simon on the show(do their flirting and such)
Tyler says
It is sad to see Paula leaves. She is sensational singer and a fatastic judge for all the american idol contestants despite this site and all the comments out there putting her down. I don’t blame her for asking for more money if she’s making the show a big hit. I would demand the same if I know I’m not getting paid what I’m worth. Look at it now, she’s in demand and the American Idol show is basically going down hill with most of the judges leaving the panel. Fox is acting on stupidity and unfairness that spins off all this downfall of their reign as the king of a reality talent show. Now all the other shows are taking this to their advantage to rise above them. Such sad decision by whoever is in charge at Fox and time will be the evidence of their downfall.