Dolly Parton has said plenty in the past, but never anything about Kenny Rogers’ beard smelling like boy cum.
However, anyone listening to Howard Stern‘s radio show last week might have got that impression. Last Tuesday Howard Stern broadcast clips from Dolly Parton’s newest audiobook, chopped up to make Dolly say all kinds of obscene things – with the line about Kenny Rogers beard probably ranking among the least offensive.
But when Dolly Parton heard about this, she was so appalled that she wrote a lengthy angry statement on her website about exactly how offended she was. Which meant that we could go onto YouTube, find a copy of Stern’s bit and publish it for you lot after the jump. We’d have never known it existed otherwise, so thanks Dolly!
Dolly Parton doesn’t deserve any ill will from anyone. She’s helping children in crap British towns learn to read, she recently suffered from tit-related back pain and she starred in the movie Steel Magnolias. OK, so maybe Dolly Parton does deserve a little bit of ill will for that, actually.
But ill will to the extent where voice clips of her are edited to say “One night I lifted Burt Reynolds’ nuts and ate his gross filthy shitbox”? Dolly Parton doesn’t seem to think so.
You see, last Tuesday Howard Stern – still reeling from the time his violent friend went mental and resigned on air – broadcast some smartly-edited clips from Dolly Parton’s new audiobook that made her say, well look, it made her say this. Be warned that the video below is thoroughly offensive and shouldn’t be listened to by anyone with ears…
Hey, it’s just like a really rubbish version of Cassetteboy! And, despite being very obviously fake – even by Howard Stern’s own admission – it hasn’t stopped Dolly Parton explaining at length that she’s never even put her mouth anywhere near Burt Reynolds’ shitbox. Dolly wrote:
“I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life. I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this. If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.”
Obviously we can see Dolly Parton’s point – as a country and western artist she knows her fans aren’t the shiniest buttons in the box, and some of them probably believed that Dolly Parton really was spouting off all those obscenities in her book.
That’s why she’s had to explain the concept of editing to them, much as she did with the title of her early album This Is Just A Recording So Stop Pulling Your Radio Apart Trying To Find Me, You Clueless Bloody Hicks.
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Rob Delaney says
I grew up thinking Steel Magnolias was some kind of martial arts flick. The word “Magnolia” is far too cool to apply to a tree or flower or what have you: it’s like “nunchuck” and “katana”, and should be the name of a really cool weapon.
Don’t get me started on Rhododendrons, which should like a medieval siege engine.
J Bollocks says
Well, I’ve had my differences with you HS “people” before. Remember how we had that problem over; “what is the number 5”? I think we agreed it’s one more than 4 but one less than 6.
Well, once again you’ve gone too far. I can hardly type for wiping the tears of outrage off my cheeks (NOT arse cheeks).
I sincerely hope that God forgives you ’cause I know will not…
Dolly, my apologies for.. for … for this travesty!
flierpa says
try to say rhododendron with a straight face when you’re drunk. go on, i dare you.
Mithaearon says
J Bollocks I still disagree with you on the number 5 issue but I am with you on this one!