Now we know why Holly Madison dumped Hugh Hefner – he didn’t dress enough like a Poundstretcher My Chemical Romance.
But you know who does? Criss Angel, the magician who’d be just like David Blaine if only David Blaine a) did magic tricks any more and b) constantly walked around in clothes that made him look like an emo weekend dad having a chronic mid-life crisis regardless of how much of a ridiculous tithole everyone thinks he is.
But Criss Angel must be doing something right, because he’s Holly Madison’s new boyfriend. Word has it that Criss Angel ensnared Madison by performing a number of magic tricks that Hugh Hefner could never do, like running up the stairs, doing the Can-Can and getting an erection unaided. But can Criss Angel doze off in an armchair in the afternoon while doing some gentle Sudoku? No he can’t – Hefner will always have that.
Here’s where we’ve been going wrong with the ladies. We’re not in our forties, we don’t dress in an utterly age-inappropriate way, we haven’t got hair that we seem to have copied from a Funeral For A Friend video, we don’t wear so much pretend-Gothic jewellery that we look like a negative of Mr T at a pikey seance, we’ve never had a knock on the head that’s caused us to believe we’re actually the lead character from The Crow and we don’t share a profession with Paul Daniels.
In short, we’re not Criss Angel. Criss Angel is all of those things, and his appeal to women is as undeniable as it is completely baffling. In his time, if rumours are to be believed, Criss Angel has worked his way through everyone from Cameron Diaz to Britney Spears, all with the aid of nothing more than old-fashioned mysticism and a profound absence of self-respect.
And now Criss Angel seems to have moved onto Playboy Playmate and Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriend Holly Madison. It seems as though Angel’s thing is blondes with big boobs. Antony Worral Thompson must be bricking it.
Anyway, the relationship between Criss Angel and Holly Madison was more or less confirmed at the opening night of his new Las Vegas collaboration with Cirque Du Soleil entitled either Great: Magic Needed To Be More Pointlessly Theatrical, Didn’t It or Sorry You Couldn’t Get Tickets For That Beatles Show: We Hope This Will Do or something, as People reports:
Angel and Madison have been spotted kissing and snuggling over the last several weeks in Las Vegas, but remain somewhat coy about their relationship. “This is one of the most special evenings for me in my life and I can not think of a more beautiful person, a more special person, inside and out, than Holly to spend it with,” Angel said.
That would almost be sweet, wouldn’t it, apart from two main points. Firstly, we could have done without the mental image of Criss Angel exploring Holly Madison’s insides, and secondly it only seems like a couple of days ago that Hugh Hefner was admitting how sad he was when Holly Madison split up with him. It seems a bit thoughtless to rub Hefner’s nose in it by getting off with an emo gimp like Criss Angel so soon afterwards, doesn’t it?
On the other hand, perhaps this is a step in the right direction for Holly Madison. After all, there was a 54-year age difference between her and Hugh Hefner, and only a 12-year gap between her and Criss Angel. Perhaps, with a bit of time and a lot of hard work, Holly Madison will one day be able to reduce that gap to something that doesn’t make us feel a bit creeped out at all. Fingers crossed.
Mac says
Best.Headline. EVER
Snapper Winsten says
Oh man, Mac stole my comment.
gir says
Oh man, Snapper Winsten stole my comment.
Ron says
Last but not least :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_94Oa4WVKNc