Before we begin, we just want to say one thing. we're sorry. ?No, listen. WE’RE sorry. Remember how you watched The X Factor for 2 and a half hours on Saturday? Well we're going to tell you about that in quite an unnecessary amount of detail now.
And what's more, you're going to like it. Yeah, in a sexually testing sort of way. Yep. Yeah, you're going to feel vulnerable and alone afterwards. No, we don't do cuddles, that's how people get attached. You kind of knew what you got yourself into when you turned on ITV1 on the 20th?of August 2011.
Or when you then subsequently googled ?Kelly Rowland’, followed by ‘The point of anything in the universe at all? with mild curiosity. So, in a way – you deserve what is about to happen to you.