Until now there’s been one reason and one reason alone to look forward to Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 – no Orlando Bloom.
But now there’s another reason that’s equally uplifting – not only will Orlando Bloom not foul up Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, but nor will Zac Efron from High School Musical. Contrary to rumours suggesting that Zac Efron had signed on to play Johnny Depp‘s son in the fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, it’s been revealed that no such deal has been made.
Yet. Despite the denial, Zac Efron isn’t hiding his enthusiasm for a role in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. But if he does eventually get the job, producers will have to find a clever way to explain his presence in the movie. We suggest a flashback to Captain Jack Sparrow having it off with a charisma-free injection-moulded shop dummy and somehow getting it pregnant. Nobody could argue with logic like that.
For a movie that hasn’t even started to be made yet, we seem to know an awful lot about Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 so far. For instance, Johnny Depp has been paid all the money in the universe to reprise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, there’s a fighting chance that Tim Burton will be the director and, if the pattern of the last three movies holds, the whole thing will be 15 hours long and so confusing that blood will start squirting from one of your ears about half an hour in.
In addition to all that, one persistent rumour is that Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 will feature more of Jack Sparrow’s family. Thanks to Keith Richards‘ cameo in the last movie, we know that Sparrow’s father was part grizzly driftwood and part sheep testicle, and there’s a strong chance that Russell Brand will end up playing his brother in the new film.
But there’s also a chance that Jack Sparrow’s son will make an appearance in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, and that he’ll be played by High School Musical‘s Zac Efron. You know the chap – he looks like a pre-pubescent ventriloquist’s dummy that’s been programmed by a berserk professor to never think, say or do anything even marginally controversial. He probably has a smoothed-off plastic nub where his genitals should be, too.
In a way, Zac Efron would be the perfect choice to play Johnny Depp’s son in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 – let’s not forget that the movies are based on a theme park ride full of unrealistic herky-jerky animatronic humanoids, so he’d fit in flawlessly – but sadly it’s not to be, as MTV reports:
Speaking to MTV News, Efron was adamant that the talk of his voyaging through the Caribbean was nothing more than a rumor. “No one has talked to me about it,” the “High School Musical 3” star insisted. “I didn’t even know [about it]… Cross your fingers for me guys!”
Now that he’s expressed an interest, though, maybe Zac Efron will get offered a role in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 after all. It’d certainly help pitch the movie at the tween generation, that’s for sure.
In fact, why stop there? Why not get other tween stars to join the cast of Pirates Of The Caribbean 4, too? Miley Cyrus would make a great love interest for Zac Efron, and we’ve already devised a scene in which, after The Black Pearl runs out of ammunition, Jamie Lynn Spears is recruited to take out ships by firing a steady procession of illegitimate babies out of her ladyparts at the enemy fleets.
Shooty* says
With Andrew Sachs to play the new Spanish captain who has sworn a blood feud against Russell Brand’s character.
SMEEE says
Too many males for my taste! Grandpa, two sons, and grandson!? Please. If they’re getting rid of Keira, there’s gotta be some major female character(s) besides Jack’s whores. I love POTC, but that’s largely due to Elizabeth. They better get some good females in there, or lots of women fans will be disappointed. (I am one of those fans that thought movies 2 and 3 were better than 1).
Depp Lover says
Well at least Kiera Knightly is out…. that means more screen time for Johnny… <3
Charlotte says
Nice review!!!! Loved it!!! I definately hope that Zac Efron is not in it!!! It will kill the whole thing and turn to mush!!
I’m glad that Johnny Depp is coming back and Geoffrey Rush may well be as well!!
If they do put more of the Sparrow family in, I reckon it should be a daughter of Jack’s. I’ve got the whole story planned now I’ve thought of that idea: Jack got a woman pregnant… which is what tends to happen to produce a child… and the mum either gets ill – near death – or thinks her daughter deserves a better life, so one day she put her on an English ship that was being shipped by the King (not him personally obviously) and she is adopted by some part of the royalty… like she was made a play mate of one of the Kings daughters or soemthng(if it is a king who had daughters… i dunno which king it is) and she grows up. Andof course her mum gave her a locket with a note and a picture of her and Jack blah blah blah… she hates life as the play mate,runs away cos she feels that she is is destined to be a pirate/she belongs to the sea and she wants to be free. She happens upon a ship disguised as a guy blah blah blah Totuga blah blah blah basically what Elizabeth did in DMC. She jumps ship onto one with black sails, still disguised as a guy and she recognises Jack *they share a moment when the girl stares at Jack, Jack is a bit wierded out but he has a feeling he recognises her… well him to Jack at the moment*. The they are on their way to the foutain of youth of where ever they decide to go. On the way, the girl gets found out by Barbossa that shes a girl and threatens to expose her and what not and then he sees the locket and opens it to find a drawing of Jack and he puts it all together and realises who she really is. At some point, half the crew get captured by the new evil people/creatures and whilst negotiating with them Barbossa tells them about the girl… and bascially Jack is the last one to find out who she is.
Thank you for reading that jiberish if you did – i made it all up on the spot!! :)
Have a nice day – Charlotte
mely says
i really hope for once they listen to the fans PLEASE DON’T PUT ZAC EFRON IN PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN 4 HE’S REALLY NOT TALENTED ENOUGH FOR THE PART, i really hope that they keep pirates of the carribean like it was not the same story like different stories everytime just like it was Elizabeth and will story and it ended now put another story and end it and then put another story juts like that but again NOT ZAC EFRON find a talented actor
what??? says
I was About to die laughing when I read that zac efron would be in potc4 but then… i found out it was REAL i’m so glad its Unreal again it would ruin jack sparrow and they would turn potc into a musical and have jack sing and that my friends would be an awful movie.
what??? says
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no more into the sparrow family Dont You see what they have planned out?!?!?
Sophie says
I would really hate it if Zac Efron was in this film! it would totally spoil it.
mimi says
I think that it would have been nice to see zac efron in pirates of caribbean 4, he’s actually a better actor than what we think he is!!
Foopher says
Thank God
ginger says
Wonderful Idea Charlotte!!!!!!!!!!!! Johnny’s story should definatley be seen!!!! More screen time for him hehehe!!!