On Saturday X Factor decided to unveil a shocking new twist. "What twist?" we thought. "Is it that Simon Cowell has learnt how to do up his shirts properly? Will Kate Thornton finally reveal where she hid her neck?"
In actual fact it was just a boring old double elimination. But, on the subject of Kate Thornton, does anyone else get the feeling that this whole 'Kate Sacked From X Factor' shebang is just a lazy publicity-grabber, the same as all the judge-fights were on the last couple of X Factor seasons? If it is, then X Factor has sorely missed the mark this time around. There could be a 'Kate Thornton Gives Birth To A Burning Unicorn Out Of Her Arse' headline and nobody would give a toss. Because it's Kate Thornton, for god's sake. Kate Thornton.
Anyway, it's time for part two of this week's X Factor betting odds, and we'll be looking at Ray Quinn, Ashley McKenzie and Eton Road…
Ray Quinn – Judging by the sort of comments that people have been leaving, Ray has the X Factor idiot vote pretty much sewn up this year. Not that we're calling anyone who's voted for Ray an idiot – we're just strongly implying it. This week Ray's X Factor performance had something for everyone; the odd people who find Ray Quinn adorable were given something new to coo over in the sight of Ray swanning about in an undone bowtie and brylcreemed hair, while everyone else took Ray whooping "c'mon!" a million times through Ain't That A Kick In The Head as a chance to actually imagine kicking Ray in the head. And it sure was sweet – we're hoping that next week Ray Quinn sings a song about being pushed down the stairs, set on fire and thrown into a tank of piranhas. Current X Factor betting odds – 12/1
Ashley McKenzie – There's no doubting that Ashley McKenzie has star quality – he looks cool, he refuses to follow the pack and his voice is effortless and honeyed and unique. However, unless there was a line in the song that Ashley sang on Saturday's X Factor that actually goes "um ber ber ber-ber ber," it's pretty clear that Ashley completely fouled up the words he was meant to be singing. Luckily, ever the pro, Ashley drew attention away from his mistake by doing a nasty little sex-dance near the end of his song. All was going well until Ashley McKenzie chose to take the post-interview as an excuse to thank the Lord for blessing him. That's when people stopped voting for Ashley, because boasting about being blessed with a shit haircut and a forgetful brain is something that gets right up the noses of Saturday teatime ITV viewers. Current X Factor betting odds – 8/1
Eton Road – On Saturday's X Factor, Eton Road sang Mack The Knife – a dangerous move since the last person to attempt to do this on a Saturday evening talent show was Gareth Gates, and look what happened to him. But, in true X Factor tradition, Eton Road really made Mack The Knife their own – they turned a reasonable, if slightly overplayed, standard into a dreadful squealing mess that actually made us want to kill ourselves. Each of the singers decided to try and all out-sing each other; including the boy who oddly looks as if he's addicted to botox, who decided to squeal his lines in the kind of falsetto that's usually aimed at meteors to deflect them away from Earth. All in all, it was the worst X Factor performance since The Unconventionals got kicked out a couple of weeks ago, and yet Eton Road still breezed through. Surely they won't win X Factor, though. Surely. Current X Factor betting odds – 5/1
Tomorrow – The X Factor betting odds for the two favourites… Ben and Leona
[story by Stuart Heritage]