Dog owners are idiots. They dote on their flea-bitten shit-factories like they’re proper members of the family, despite the fact they do no work around the house, demand food and walkies and are only good for blaming your flatulence on.
Not that dog owners would ever let on. They look into their idiot dog’s eyes and mistake stupidity for some kind of human empathy. ‘My dog understands me and is always there when I need them!’ Dogs are always there, period. They’re after food or a piss, not a heart-to-heart. Dogs probably don’t even have hearts. Just more shit.
Of course, the rest of us perfectly sensible humans have to put up with people when their dogs die. We suffered like Jesus on the cross when Jennifer Aniston’s dog passed-away, and now, we are required to do the same for Kelly Osbourne who has lost the only thing in her life that she felt was an intellectual equal.
That’s right kiddiewinks, Kelly’s pooch, Noodles, has been ‘put to sleep’ (or, if you’re being honest, terminated with a syringe of poison) which has left her ‘devastated’.
Apparently, this lesser being (we’re talking about the dog here) was exterminated without prejudice after it was discovered that it had an incurable brain defect. No, we don’t care either. Let us get this clear – a dog called Noodles, which is a Pomeranian or something, had a seizure and then got killed.
Not that Kelly sees it through rational eyes.
She said:
“My poor baby girl Noodles is sick. She had a seizure and they don’t know why I’m taking her to see a specialist 2 hours away for a brain scan. I can’t even look at my baby girl with out crying she just looks so sick and helpless.(sic)”
She later tweeted:
“Noodles is not going to make it. She was born with a brain defect and I have to put her to sleep today. I’m devastated. I just cant believe it. (sic)”
The world is potentially going to cry its entire reserves of water over this because this TRAGEDY comes a matter of weeks after Kelly almost lost another dog. A dog called Sid. Sid who died after accidentally swallowing some chewing gum. Chewing gum still in the wrapper.
Stupid fucking canines.
“Poor Sid ate half a packet of chewing gum, last week and I had to rush him to the vet. There’s Xylitol – a sweetener – in gum, which is the dog equivalent of giving cyanide to humans. It causes their blood sugar to drop and shuts down liver functions. He’s fine now, but it was traumatic. The vet thinks, because he chewed it with the paper on, it didn’t go into his system as quickly as it could have, which saved his life.”
Last July, her puppy Woody died aged just 14 weeks old from unknown causes.
At the time, Kelly said:
“My life could not get any worse right now I come home to find my dog Woody is dead.”
So there you have it. Kelly Osbourne. Her house is like Auschwitz for dogs.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
dog wover says
You guys are dopes. Us dog lover’s DO NOT blame our dogs for farts. We blame ducks under the table and frogs in the backyard. Sometimes we even blame the kids.
Yeeeesh. Stop making us look bad.
hmmmm says
Seems the she-clown can’t keep a pet alive. I’m thinking it’s doggy suicide. Can’t blame them, I’d kill myself too if I saw the she-clown naked. Rather see B. Arthur strip down. Less flab flying.
Holly says
Let dogs lovers enjoy their dogs and don’t write such hate filled crap
Wembley Fraggle says
I always think that the name Holly suggests a comprehensive knowledge of pricks.
Ixna says
Mr Gimmers,
It is you that needs to be put to sleep.
hfgdcghjhgb says
I think it is Mr. Gimmers who needs to be whipped, a stick to shoved up his arse & be put to sleep for the fucking crap that he has written. Have some fucking compassion arse hole.
hfgdcghjhgb says
I am soo happy that i don’t visit crappy websites like this and this is going to be my last post here cause i am utterly disgusted with fucking filth this website offers.
hfgdcghjhgb says
I think it is Mr. Gimmers who needs to be whipped, a stick to shoved up his arse & be put to sleep for the fucking crap that he has written. Have some fucking compassion arse hole. I am soo happy that i don’t visit crappy websites like this and this is going to be my last post here cause i am utterly disgusted with fucking filth this website offers.
Meagan says
The guy who wrote this is an insensitive idiot who has nothing better to do than to write horrible stories. First off, Im planning on kidnappping Kelly and making her my best friend (im young people xD)
The loss of a dog is like the loss of a human. If my cat died, I wouldnt go to school. This guy is wrong!