At last night's Grammys the unthinkable happened – yeah, sure, Amy Winehouse won five awards, but that's not what we're talking about.
Amy Winehouse actually managed to sing in tune.
But, yes, Amy Winehouse won five Grammys last night – for Best Record, Best Song, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Vocal Performance and Best New Artist. And Amy's elation was clear for all the Grammy viewers to see. That's because, at current market value, she'll be able to trade the Grammys in for a big bag of crack on the streets.
The organisers of the Grammys know that they're in charge of a long, ultimately dull ceremony that only Wayfarer-wearing ponytailed middle-aged record executives can honestly admit to being interested in. But to their credit, for last night's show, they decided to give the show more appeal by making it personal. Almost uncomfortably so, in fact.
Kanye West, for example, sung a song about his dead mother. And Amy Winehouse managed to take a song a song about her current rehab situation and pepper it with references to her jailed husband. The way it was going, we were genuinely surprised that Tina Turner didn't use her Grammys duet with Beyonce to debut a new song called I'm Glad That Old Fucker Died.
Still, though, despite the weird tabloidy air of proceedings, last night's Grammys were really only about Amy Winehouse. Although she was nominated for six Grammys, Amy wasn't allowed a visa to attend the ceremony because of that pesky 'crack-smoking' video of hers. So as an alternative, Amy Winehouse got to perform by satellite instead. But even that was wracked with uncertainty.
For example, nobody knew if Amy Winehouse would have a full set of teeth in for the performance, or whether she'd offer out the entire Grammys viewing audience as she's so fond of doing during performances. Amy could have – as she's appeared to do in the past – pulled drugs out of her beehive and ram them up her nose while singing. Or she could have done what she's done uniformly for the last year and turned in a lazy vocal that sounds like the Cloverfield monster trying to do a Chewbacca impression during a karaoke version of Baby Love.
But no. What Amy Winehouse actually did was sing normally while looking vaguely healthy. We know, it was hard for us to take in, too, so here's a video for proof…
Other Grammy winners included Kanye West, Justin Timberlake, Foo Fighters and just about everyone else who seems to win Grammys every year anyway. But last night was Amy Winehouse's night, and her non-rubbish performance coupled with her five Grammys for Best Record, Best Song, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Vocal Performance and Best New Artist could very well open a new chapter in her life.
Perhaps all this adulation will mean that Amy Winehouse will clean up her act for good and never do anything newsworthy ever again. And if that's the case, we're going out of business. Nice knowing you all.
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Johnny says
THAT MEANS FOCK ALL. IT’S A SYMPATHY VOOTE!!
Johnny says
I’m sorry. All I can think while watching is “eww…what would it be like to be in a car with her when she ripped a crack fart?” I wish all I had to do to get 5 grammy noms and a load of positive press and applause is smoke crack and be a wreck for a few months. I could use a sympathy vote and a few mil right now, myself. And i don’t even have a dope habit.