This has been quite a week for tired old bands getting back together hasn't it? In the last few days everyone from Rage Against The Machine to, um, James has decided to get back together, sing the hits and then roll around in a filthy pile of cash.
But none of these recently-reformed bands can hold a torch to the latest group of crotchety bastards who think they can re-live their glory years even though they're actually older than the sun and only had one song that anybody knows anyway. It's Van Halen! Who, er, never really split up in the first place but it's still technically a Van Halen reunion because they're reforming with their original singer David Lee Roth! For approximately the billionth time! Scientists have warned Van Halen fans to postpone buying any reunion concert tickets, though, because a complex mathematical algorithm based on past performances has shown that this Van Halen/David Lee Roth reunion is only due to last for about 32 seconds.
If ever you needed proof of the law of diminishing returns, then all the news about bands reforming this week is it. On Monday it was announced that lightning-powered politico rock group Rage Against The Machine were going to reform to distill all their blind heavyweight fury into a single show before splitting up again. Then on Wednesday Crowded House announced a reunion, pleasing three travelling sales reps in their late thirties and nobody else. And then yesterday James reformed and the whole world screamed "James? Oh God, why must ye punish us?" in unison.
But that's nothing. Now Van Halen – a band that seems to be legally obligated to split up, reform with a new singer and then split up again six or seven times a day – has announced that it is getting back together with its first singer David Lee Roth again. Just like David Lee Roth predicted a year ago. The Los Angeles Times reports:
The mercurial Roth, who officially left Van Halen on April Fool's Day in 1985, will reunite with his old band for a tour that kicks off in North Carolina in early May and includes June stops in L.A., Orange and San Diego counties, according to sources in the concert industry. Joining Roth will be guitar hero Eddie Van Halen and drummer Alex Van Halen. But bassist Michael Anthony reportedly will be replaced by Eddie Van Halen's teenage son Wolfgang. The band had been planning a splashy press conference in L.A. to announce the news, but word leaked out Thursday.
This reunion neatly coincides with Van Halen's induction into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, and it's hoped that the publicity the band gets by being overshadowed by REM, Patti Smith and Grandmaster Flash during the event will send droves of fans to the 40-date Van Halen reunion tour, where they'll be able to hear hits like Jump and… you know, the other songs that aren't Jump. If there are any. Which we don't think is true.
Read more:
WEB says
Pretty funny comments. I do agree with about all of it except the making fun of their music. How old are you anyway “kid”. You probably weren’t even alive when those guys were making bad ass music that has influenced everything that you listen to. If you think that Van Halen only ever had one hit then you sure have no right covering music for a living.
WEB
Intheknow says
They sold 56.5 MILLION albums/CDs.
NUFF SAID
Pete says
Running with the Devil, Jamie’s Cryin’, Dance the Night Away, And the Cradle will Rock…, Unchained, Panama, Hot for Teacher – ever heard of these songs? And that’s just with Roth and excluding all their cover hits like You Really Got Me and (Oh!) Pretty Woman.
Ignorance isn’t bliss…
Matt says
Jump was their only song?? I can’t believe I ‘m making the effort to respond to someone who thinks that. Stuart, do your self a favor and go listen to the first 6 VH records and then write about how much they rule…
Roy says
All the world needs now is a Guns N Roses 15 second reunion.
huwt says
I don’t know what crap you spend your time listening too, but you really shouldn’t be writing about music if you haven’t realised that Roth era Van Halen was one of the greatest rock acts of all time.
kev_5150 says
this man does not understand that what is understood does not have to be discussed…xx
Bry says
When you were just an itch in you old mans left nut, we were jamming on van halen’s first album. 11 killer tunes.
VH4Life says
I cannot believe you dare even write a piece on a band you know absolutely nothing about. Jump is the only known song? Do some research before trying to write an article. You are a complete idiot and I think you should probably go write articles about things you know, like how to piss off rock and roll fans everywhere.
Van Halen was and still is one of the greatest bands to ever speed up our hearing loss.
GDIAF
BigJ says
I’m a 41 year old black guy from Mississippi who has long had the great dream that DLR rejoined VH. They may be over the hill now, but to write what you did has got to be the worst bit of commentary I have ever read online. Your article really pissed me off, and I’m too old to get work up like I am now. Your young pink ass has no idea what VH was to rock music in the late 70’s and early 80’s. To me and millions of other super fans, they are the greatest hard-rock band of all times.
When i was a teenager, the release of a VH LP was the event of the year. What you have written is an insult to all real music listeners. Damn! How are you even allowed to write such bullshit. It’s as offensive as a someone asking “Who is Ali to boxing” or saying “Elvis was just a fat white guy.”
Listen, if you really really love rock-n-roll, please go but Van Halen(1) and Fair Warning to start. You will then learn why you pissed off so many music fans.
I can’t continue, I’m getting too worked up. I’m on fire!