Sometimes at Hecklerspray our working days are often thrown into chaos as we attempt to help each other out.

While we have tried to make you believe that big boss man Stuart Heritage has gone in to hibernation, it is in fact a bit of a lie. You see, after spending months wondering why he has so many odd socks, Stu has gone off to find the critters responsible and aims to unite his left Scooby Doo sock with the missing right one.

Other problems facing the world at the moment include soaring petrol costs, how to block annoying applications on Facebook and getting a decent cup of tea made.

One thing we haven’t thought too much about is why more girls decide to shun blokes for other lady folk. Well, that is everyone apart from Usher. After spending years of researching the issue and spending millions of dollars, he’s ready to present his findings in a 10,000 page dossier.

Though we’ve been able to condense it all down in to a sentence for you. Isn’t that helpful?

At first, we just thought it was crap popstar turned reality star Tila Tequila who could explain all that sexual stuff to us.

If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t know where to insert what to where. Though after listening to the scary tattooed harlot bleat on about sex for a bit, we’ve been turned off - slightly.

Now it seems that R&B crooner Usher knows how women think when it comes to making a love decision. We’re glad he knows something else apart from singing. His geographical knowledge is terrible. Just ask the pikeys in Kent about the time he mixed up Maidstone and Manchester.

One is slightly glamorous and one is a dive. How could that error have slipped through? And as for naming children? The poor bloke found the task of naming his own son quite a challenge. Unable to come up with a ridiculous name like Flushing Bleep G , he called his son Usher. How original.

We don’t know why Usher was talking about lesbians. Maybe he’d just watched one of those films where a couple of ladies do things too each other that get men racing for the Kleenex. Anyway, according to Now magazine, Usher believes there are so many lady lovers because:

“Men don’t want to commit. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.”

As simple as that apparently, once again it’s a sodden blokes’ fault. Nothing to do with women being utterly confusing to understand.

Doing a Rubik’s cube blindfolded is easier to work out then writing a guide on how women think. Due to one species being utter twats in the words of Usher, it’s triggered off a frenzy off women looking to get a little closer with their own sex.

We don’t know how to convert them all back, but if we’ve learnt anything from watching TV, the lady loves Milktray, and men who give them a chocolate injection. Keep a box of the chocolates handy and if you see a couple of lesbians necking on, thrust the remedy at them and they will be cured.

Though we can’t guarantee they will fall in love you then and there and take you behind the local chipshop.

Clever musicians, what ever next? 50 Cent to tell us what type of cheese the moon is made from or what about Missy Elliot will tell us where the lost city of Atlantis is?