Sometimes at Hecklerspray our working days are often thrown into chaos as we attempt to help each other out.
While we have tried to make you believe that big boss man Stuart Heritage has gone in to hibernation, it is in fact a bit of a lie. You see, after spending months wondering why he has so many odd socks, Stu has gone off to find the critters responsible and aims to unite his left Scooby Doo sock with the missing right one.
Other problems facing the world at the moment include soaring petrol costs, how to block annoying applications on Facebook and getting a decent cup of tea made.
One thing we haven’t thought too much about is why more girls decide to shun blokes for other lady folk. Well, that is everyone apart from Usher. After spending years of researching the issue and spending millions of dollars, he’s ready to present his findings in a 10,000 page dossier.
Though we’ve been able to condense it all down in to a sentence for you. Isn’t that helpful?
At first, we just thought it was crap popstar turned reality star Tila Tequila who could explain all that sexual stuff to us.
If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t know where to insert what to where. Though after listening to the scary tattooed harlot bleat on about sex for a bit, we’ve been turned off – slightly.
Now it seems that R&B crooner Usher knows how women think when it comes to making a love decision. We’re glad he knows something else apart from singing. His geographical knowledge is terrible. Just ask the pikeys in Kent about the time he mixed up Maidstone and Manchester.
One is slightly glamorous and one is a dive. How could that error have slipped through? And as for naming children? The poor bloke found the task of naming his own son quite a challenge. Unable to come up with a ridiculous name like Flushing Bleep G , he called his son Usher. How original.
We don’t know why Usher was talking about lesbians. Maybe he’d just watched one of those films where a couple of ladies do things too each other that get men racing for the Kleenex. Anyway, according to Now magazine, Usher believes there are so many lady lovers because:
“Men don’t want to commit. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.”
As simple as that apparently, once again it’s a sodden blokes’ fault. Nothing to do with women being utterly confusing to understand.
Doing a Rubik’s cube blindfolded is easier to work out then writing a guide on how women think. Due to one species being utter twats in the words of Usher, it’s triggered off a frenzy off women looking to get a little closer with their own sex.
We don’t know how to convert them all back, but if we’ve learnt anything from watching TV, the lady loves Milktray, and men who give them a chocolate injection. Keep a box of the chocolates handy and if you see a couple of lesbians necking on, thrust the remedy at them and they will be cured.
Though we can’t guarantee they will fall in love you then and there and take you behind the local chipshop.
Clever musicians, what ever next? 50 Cent to tell us what type of cheese the moon is made from or what about Missy Elliot will tell us where the lost city of Atlantis is?
Natonia Thomas says
well i think maybe usher was not ready for marriage…when he wants to make love in the club he never mention his wife…U tell me being married to a star is hard work…n she a damn good one…but now a days the only marriage that does make since is bey&j because they have time n history…the more they fell in love j songs got better n he wasn’t big pimpin n bending chick over anymore…or put his feet on people…furniture…thank you not a big fan of either just keeping it real…nah b my girl…jay fell off…n usher always coming n going
gir says
That’s sweet…but Usher is a little too modest, and I think he’s exposed that modesty a little bit with his latest pronouncement.
What with his eruditeness in the field of human psychology and interaction, Dr. (purely an honorary title, I am assured) Usher surely KNOWS the real reason that homosexuality manifests itself in women. The reason, of course, is that since Usher is unattainable, women everywhere give up on men entirely.
David Bryden says
Natonia, for a modest fee I can repair your keyboard, specifically the keys Y, O, A and D which seem to be malfunctioning intermittently.
bad dude says
there are so many lesbians in my state today. that is why a lot of us men are single today. they are into eating lots of fish today. we men are not to blame for this. i consider myself an average good fun loving caring guy that wants to meet a normal woman to be with today. there attitude towards men is very bad today. i wish these filthy lesbians would burn in hell today for this.as far as i am concerned they could all burn in hell today.
bad dude says
in my state there are so many filthy low life piece of shit lesbians today. they are the scum of the earth here.they should all be castrated were i am. they are the reason why so many men like me are single today.there attitude towards men are very bad. they must have been very abused as a child. it is very hard where i am trying to meet a woman because if you try to approach them to start a conversation they will tell you to get lost.they would love it better if another woman would talk to them.i never realized there were that many lesbians today. i see it happening to other guys as well. where are all the good women today?
very true says says
the definition of lesbians is pigs. to me, these women are garbage. any women out there that have to go with women, instead of a man need their heads examined. as a straight man that was married twice, both of the women at the time cheated on me. they cheated on me with other men, not with women as far as i know. but today who knows, since these women out there have changed. by the way, i never cheated on them. i was a very caring, and loving husband that was very committed in my marriage. i was happy at the time, because meeting a good woman now is very difficult for me. i seem to meet all the low life ones. when i see other men that have been very lucky to have met the right one, it makes me very upset. the ones that have children should thank god for what they have. i feel god is punishing me for a reason that i do not know. i hate being alone, because it sucks. a lot of times i will break down and cry. i always wanted to have a family of my own, but so far that never happened. i just want to meet the right woman that could make me very happy. for me it would be like winning the lottery.