Since it’s been about 18 seconds since Britney Spears last got into trouble, we’re well overdue a new outrage.
And, God bless Britney, that’s what we’ve got. The new Britney Spears single is called If U Seek Amy – which, when said quickly, sounds a bit like ‘F-U-C-K me’. And parental groups have reacted furiously to this.
Not because of the bad language, you understand, but because of the inaccuracy. Nobody wants to F-U-C-K Britney Spears any more, do they? They want to vomit and run off because her scary red eyes are freaking them out. And she shouldn’t lie to kids.
For a woman who used to be able to start a newsworthy amount of public outrage simply by walking across a car park, Britney Spears’ parents have done an admirable job of keeping her out of trouble recently. How they’ve achieved this, nobody knows – we’re still convinced that it partially involves chaining her to a pole like a Russian dancing bear – but maybe they want to keep a closer eye on her.
You see, for all the miraculous career resuscitation that Britney Spears’ album Circus performed on her career, Britney still can’t resist dabbling with her old rebellious reputation from time to time. Not in a Golden Age Of Madness-era vagina-flash or psychiatric awaybreak or anything – Britney simply gave one of her new songs a title that, if you say it in the correct way, sort of spells out a swearword. And that song just happens to be her new single.
The song is entitled If U Seek Amy which, when sung, sounds as if Britney Spears is saying “F-U-C-K me”. Or “If you’re sick on me”. Or “Effusive Sikh army”. Or something. But whatever it is, it’s certainly filthy enough to warrant an angry tirade from the ever-reliable Parents Television Council, as the New York Daily News reports:
The song’s title, “If U Seek Amy,” is sung in such a way as to sound like a crass entreaty instead of advice for finding a girl, according to the Parents Television Council. “There is no misinterpreting the lyrics to this song, and it’s certainly not about a girl named Amy,” council President Tim Winter said.
Winter then went on to yell at R Kelly because his song Ignition probably wasn’t about cars, Def Leppard because that bit in Let’s Get Rocked that goes “I suppose a rock’s out of the question” probably wasn’t about geology and Iggy Pop because Cock In My Pocket almost certainly didn’t allude to experimental poultry transportation techniques.
However, we completely stand behind Britney Spears’ decision to release If U Seek Amy as a single. Sure, she might have wound up some stuffy old conservatives by doing it, but so what? The song absolutely reflects who Britney Spears is at this precise moment in time – a grotty, dead-eyed, robotic prostitute who you feel sorry for because not even a madman would ever dream of paying to have sex with her.
And for that, Britney, we salute you.
Harry says
Britney stands as a sermon against becoming involved in pop entertainment, though a remarkably wealthy sermon. The problem mostly lies in the large, talented and utterly drug-fueled machine that operates behind every pop star, the constituents of which, as far as anyone can tell, never heard of purity or restraint, and have no objection at all to placing the star in hugely embarrassing, brain-damaging, soul-stealing situations. Britney is a nice girl from warm and friendly Louisiana, very beautiful when in trim and properly made up, but her backers and fronters have succeeded in transforming her into a sort of carnival Petroushka, manipulated by strings from above, one who entertains at great cost to herself. Fortunately she is growing up now and understands in her private awareness just what is what, and she may save herself yet.
Joke Police says
Apparently Hit Me Baby One More Time wasn’t about child abuse either. I am offended.
Ironlung says
now i usually dont question you guys at HS. we all have our little differences of opinion – thats whats makes life great right? right?
but come on. you know you would tap that shit if it presented itself.
Julian Mentat says
So she has actually forgotten that ‘you’ is really spelt Y-O-U?