It’s good to end your year better than you started it – Britney Spears has, but only because she was cheating.
Britney Spears’ 2008 is ending with her new album Circus at number one in America – and she’s also the first ever SoundScan artist to have four albums sell 500,000 week-one copies.
So well done – Britney Spears’ year has ended better than it started. But then again she did start it in a mental hospital – Britney could have caught Ebola off a rabid zombie meerkat while falling down a lift shaft and the year would have still been an upswing for her.
Everyone loves a story of redemption, especially at this time of year. That’s why people love A Christmas Carol – it wouldn’t be nearly as popular if it ended with Ebeneezer Scrooge punching Tiny Tim down a flight of stairs, machine-gunning a puppy and then hanging himself in the middle of the town square, would it?
And Britney Spears’ year has been a little bit like A Christmas Carol. Not a huge amount, admittedly – instead of being visited by ghosts, Britney Spears was deemed too mentally unwell to feed or dress herself and then, rather than redeeming herself by welcoming a festive spirit of goodwill into her heart, Britney made a record where she went ?UHH Pappi LOVE you! UHH Pappi LOVE you!? about 15 times in a row – but a bit.
Anyway, by getting her act together enough to release and promote a new album properly, the redemptive message is loud and clear – Britney Spears is still a bit mental but at least she’s got a proper haircut now – and the American public have rewarded her for it by buying Circus in droves.
You know what this means? Britney Spears is number one again! Reuters reports:
“Circus,” the sixth studio album for Spears, sold 505,000 copies in the United States during the week ended Dec. 7, one of the biggest debuts of the year. She becomes the only artist in tracking firm Nielsen SoundScan’s 17-year history to have four albums sell 500,000 copies or more in their first week.
While that’s enough of an impressive double-combo as it is, it’s not all – Circus by Britney Spears has also made history by being the best-ever selling album to sound like it was recorded by Professor Stephen Hawking‘s wheelchair after it was struck by lightning and learnt to kill, plus it’s the only number one album of the year where the cover features a picture of the singer pulling a face like a laboratory puppy pleading with strangers to put it out of its misery.
So our hearty congratulations go to Britney Spears for the success of Circus. She’s back where she belongs now – at number one, drunk on success and on the precipice of a giant career-threatening mental breakdown. And so say all of us.
Jaxon says
Hey Stuart,
Could you be any more BITTER?
If you can’t write anything nice, don’t write anything at all.
mikey says
Don’t read this website often, do you Jaxon?
Spunkbubble
guffy says
You would think HECKLER in the title would tip people off.