So Tom Cruise is going to make Mission: Impossible 4. Let’s get all the obvious gags out of the way now, shall we?
Hey, what’s the impossible mission this time? Reviving Tom Cruise’s career? Ha. Finding Tom Cruise a decent haircut? Ha. Trying to convince the world that Tom Cruise isn’t a boggle-eyed religious fanatic? Ha. Making Tom Cruise the size of a normal human being? Ha. Getting Tom Cruise to convincingly marry a woman? Ha. Trying to get Tom Cruise to promote a movie without making an overwhelming arsehole of himself? Haaaa.
Oh boy, this is going to be fun.
Let’s have a quick quiz. What was your favourite part of any of the last three Mission: Impossible movies? It’s a difficult question, huh? There are just so many moments to choose from. Like in the first Mission: Impossible where Tom Cruise, you know, did that thing that we can’t really remember very well. Or in Mission: Impossible 2, where Tom Cruise was all like “Aargh” for reasons that seem to elude us. Or what about Mission: Impossible 3, which might have been partly set in China unless we’re thinking of another film. Classics, the lot of them.
Or at least we’re assuming they’re classics. All of them were so massively forgettable from start to finish that we usually need to be reminded who everyone is, what they’re doing, why they’re doing it and why we agreed to watch them doing it every 20 minutes or so. The world needs another Mission: Impossible movie like it needs to be liked in the jaw by a horse.
So the good news is that there’s going to be another Mission: Impossible movie and Tom Cruise is involved and everything. AP reports:
Tom Cruise and J.J. Abrams have chosen to accept another impossible mission. Cruise and Abrams have signed on to produce a fourth installment of the “Mission: Impossible” franchise for Paramount. Abrams directed Cruise’s last outing as covert operative Ethan Hunt in 2006’s “Mission: Impossible III.”
It’s slightly shocking news, isn’t it? Not because Sumner Redstone famously booted Tom Cruise from Paramount after his reputation as a babbling religion-zonked lunatic stopped just about everyone from watching it, but because it just shows how desperate Tom Cruise is to be liked again.
Because, up until now, Tom Cruise’s career rehabilitation has been going horribly. Lions For Lambs was a dreary misfire and Valkyrie did the impossible and made the star of an anti-Hitler movie even less popular than Hitler in Germany. And now he’s returning to his past in an effort to reclaim his former glory. Which would be good, except that the part of his past that he’s decided to return to is the crappy part that’s sort of a sub-Bourne James Bond rip-off that nobody is really that interested in seeing.
But still, on the plus side Tom Cruise will be approaching 50 by the time Mission: Impossible 4 comes out, so at least there’s a decent chance that he’ll throw his back out while leaping around on Oprah Winfrey‘s furniture to promote it. And that’s something we’d happily watch.
D. Oman says
I am a huge fan of the first 3 installments of Mission: Impossible. This is welcome news for me! While I don’t care for most celebrities’ personal lifestyles, I do think it is possible to still enjoy their creative work. J.J. Abrams is a mastermind director, and all three films have been enjoyable and action-packed in my book!
Lord Rutherford says
Ha. The article is bang on – the first movie was alright but the 2nd is ridiculous and the third worthless. which makes the fourth movie pointless.
Steph says
Tom Cruise is awesome! Mission Impossible 1,2,and 3 were awesome. And M:I: 4 is going to be an awesome, awesome movie! I, actually MIGHT even be in it. I know it sounds crazy, but ya.