We should point out that six was the correct number of alleged Tiger Wood mistresses at time of writing.
It could be more by now. If you’re reading this next week or tomorrow or three minutes after it was published, we’re fairly sure that the number will have risen. And if you’re reading this next month, you might have managed to have your own clandestine affair with Tiger Woods, too. He does seem to be trying to sleep with everyone on the planet, after all.
And if reports are to be believed, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Which, incidentally,? is possibly Tiger Woods’s chat-up line. No, we’ve grossed ourselves out now. Too far.
Call this a hunch, but by Christmas Tiger Woods might just be looking back at Thanksgiving with all kinds of unbridled nostalgia. All he had to worry about back then was his berserk wife chasing him down a driveway and slashing a golf club around until he crashed into a tree because she thought he’d been sleeping with another woman.
But now? Now that number has risen to six, which probably means that Tiger Woods’s trees should seriously consider investing in some protective outerwear. In case you haven’t been keeping up, these six women are:
Rachel Uchitel – Linked to Tiger Woods because: If you repeat her name quickly enough it sounds like you’re impersonating a train, and that’s fun. Also, her giant tits.
Jaimee Grubbs -?Linked to Tiger Woods because: She’s got a TV show called Tool Academy, which has just got to be about penis manipulation, hasn’t it?
Kalika Moquin – Linked to Tiger Woods because: There are too many vowels in her name, and that does seem to be the thing that turns Tiger on most of all.
Cori Rist – Linked to Tiger Woods because: The media is describing her as a ‘professional clubgoer’, and what kind of red-blooded man wouldn’t want one of those around to bring up his children?
Mindi Lawton – Linked to Tiger Woods because: Not sure. Maybe he’s got a thing for ropey-looking waitresses who think that sitting on carpets is sexy.
Jamie Jungers – Linked to Tiger Woods because: ‘Jungers’ is quite obviously a euphemism for ‘boobs’.
Being linked to six different women within a week of his car crash is unfortunate, but at least Tiger Woods can console himself with the fact that everything’s out in the open. All six women are accounted for, and now he can get on with his life. Isn’t that right, MSNBC?
The number of women connected to Tiger Woods could topple a dozen by week?s end, according to several sources familiar with Woods? behavior during his frequent trips to Las Vegas. As for other women who have yet to come out, several prominent Las Vegas-based nightclub managers say that although Woods had women he had a ?relationship? with, there were definitely others.
What’s the moral of the story here? That Tiger Woods should have tried to keep it in his pants a little more often? Or that, at best, he should have tried to make his indiscretions a little more discrete? No. The moral here is quite simple – parents, if you ever want your daughter to have sex with a billionaire athlete, be sure to give her a stupid name with too many vowels in it. Works every time.
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vtrendsetter says
is woods is sex addict?