Admit it, the highlight of your November was going to involve examining Levi Johnston’s penis for protruding veins.
Well not any more, tough guy. That just isn’t going to happen. Sure, ever since Levi Johnston first announced his upcoming Playgirl spread, everyone had assumed that he’d whap his willy around at some point – but now the Playgirl photoshoot has taken place, and we’re sad to report that Levi Johnston keeps it covered up throughout.
Obviously by ‘sad to report’ we mean ‘sad that our lives have reached a point where we’re expected to express emotion based on whether or not an opportunistic redneck has displayed his genitalia in a magazine for money or not’, but you get the point.
This week is all about Sarah Palin, isn’t it? Thanks to the release of her book Going Rogue has been released, people across the world now have the opportunity to see how little sense she makes without the hassle of being distracted by her slightly milfy face. But obviously that’s just the appetiser. The book’s release, and all of Sarah Palin’s accompanying media appearances, has just been the warm-up to the main event – the public unveiling of Levi Johnston’s penis and testicles.
This coming Saturday, the world is going to finally get what it’s been waiting for. Or, if not that, then what it’s been slightly curious about seeing. Or, if not that, then what it’s been hiding in a corner with its hands jammed over its face doing its best to desperately avoid. That’s right – Levi Johnston’s naked Playgirl spread.
As well as being good news for those who enjoy staring what could be mistaken at close range for a set of chicken giblets that have been rolled around a barbershop’s floor for half an hour, Levi Johnston’s Playgirl spread also made headlines for one other reason – Levi Johnston didn’t just hate Sarah Palin enough to star in Playgirl on the week of her book’s release, but he hated her enough to show the world exactly what ruined her chances of becoming vice president. Because, according to reports, Levi Johnston was going to get his penis out.
Except now he’s not. Levi’s Playgirl photos have all been taken, and apparently there isn’t even a soup?on of bollock in there. People reports:
“He did not give ‘full frontal’ as his manager Tank [Jones] reported he would,” Daniel Nardicio, a spokesman for Playgirl [said]. Still, said Nardicio, “We’re thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them, but although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity.”
Consider this a reprieve, Sarah Palin. You know as well as we do that a photograph of Levi Johnston standing square to camera with his scrotum flapping in the wind would have ended your political ambitions for good. But a photograph of Levi Johnston facing away from the camera, bending over so you can see a glimpse of bumhole, and gleefully winking like a man who’s just won the pools? You’re in the clear. Good news all round.
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Sunny says
“…there may be glimpses” that IS funny. Imagining the coy, side sneak peek of a ballsack profile here and there; the inevitable shot-from-the-side full-body outline with a mere lighting adjustment to you know, provide a form of artsy coverage.
Hilarious the timing on his ‘baring it all’ moments.